RSS feed

For those who asked for it, here it is. The RSS feed of the blog so you don't have to work anymore and you can just read the entries over and over and over again. I feel like I'm kind of sticking it to the man. feed://snotfist.blogspot.com/atom.xml Really Simple Syndication (RSS)

Right of Passage

Last week I did what most Americans do every one to two years in buying a new cell phone. It is very nice and has the bells and whistles I have been looking for in a phone for a long time. It even has the same beautiful Aluminum body that matches its Bluetooth buddy, the Powerbook. Just think the next time you call me, you will be ringing in with the Postal Service!

Avion Flu-x

It has seemed like it has been forever since my last entry but really it was just the other day. I suppose I should fill you in on all the goodness that the holidays brought my way. Starting Wednesday of last week I started to feel all achy, much like you would if you got ran over by a one ton truck and lived through it. I felt worse on Thursday but I could see the light at the end of the tunnel when Friday arrived. That light was nothing more that the devil waiting for my soul. We make the trip home on Friday and I crash like I had been for the two day before. Now I'm totally just a guest in my parents house now that I have moved out, so I don't even have a bed to sleep in. They have an inflatable mattress that makes it feel like you are laying in a bed of snow and you wake up every 5 to 10 minutes do to your body shivering. After praying for death in my dreams I woke up Saturday all ready to be done with crap only to find it had done nothing but gotten worse. The rents drag me to church with them that night and in the pew my fever came to the boiling point with me leaving church in a shirt I could ring out. What's more Christian than getting your fellow humans just as sick as you? Sunday the rest of the family went to the grandparents and I finally had my fever break at 3:30 in the after noon. All I have left is a nasty cough and tons of phlegm. YIPPY!

The Man's Mall

Here is a backlogged entry that just didn't make it in time, this is from Dec. 20th (this is also not my photograph): So Friday night we finished our Christmas shopping with a trip to the man's mall (Mills Fleet Farm). For those who really don't know what to expect when walking into this store just think the smell of new car tires, mixed with animal medicine, and a touch of grass fertilizer. For those who like to people watch this is the ultimate location for you. The mix of mullets on men, woman, and children will send a chill right down your spine. Each person sports their favorite snowmobile manufacture with their matching hat and jacket combo. While each do ride snowmobile, they don't cross brand lines and communicate with someone opting for a different brand sled. This reminds me of West Side Story though with the Sharks and the Jets yet most of these people wouldn't know the musical if you asked them about it. It also brings back nostalgic memories from my time spent in the hills of Penland, North Carolina and the local Wal-Mart there. The only difference was the snowmobiles were replaced with their favorite Nascar driver. Upon our departure from the store we went up and purchased a gift card and some windshield washer fluid and the first thing the girl asked us was "Is this for farm use?" Umm... -B.

Santa Claus

The local shopping mall imports their Santa for the holiday season. He looks pretty convincing with the full long white hair, long white beard and the large waste line to boot. Now I have heard that he comes all the way from Wisconsin and has he name legally changed to Santa Claus because he feels he really is the man that millions of children look up to. I have also heard he makes a pretty grand entrance when he comes in for the first time (something about large bells that he starts off soft and slowly gets louder to the brink where he yells out "ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas". This is all good and well for the holiday season but what does this man do when it comes time to pack away the red pants and drone some summer gear? This is what I started to think about and the only thing that I feel he could do is jump on his Harley, braid his hair and beard and head out to Stergis for a good time. I could see him signing his name across the chest of the biker ladies and taken body shots from the beer bellies of his favorite leather covered woman. Ho, ho, HO!

SE

For the past few days I have been stressing about some future topics of the blog. I have a few running through the text files that I have converted over to after reading the latest post in 43F (link is posted to the left). This method is pretty effective if you are using Quicksilver to append things to text files. It is fully described in his post so I will leave that subject and continue on with mine. After a trip home to the southeastern part of the state I found a Mecca of possible subjects. So the next few days worth of posts will be dedicated to them, and hopefully something exciting will happen to me in the time being. Thank you Tom for giving me this picture a few months ago.

A big full bowl of chocolate kisses

Okay today I introduce a little thing I would like to call "Know your Blogger". This part of the ongoing series is dedicated to my top 5 pet peeves in no particular order. 5) The crunching noise people make when drinking out of a plastic bottle. - Have people never discovered the principle of low pressure? I have a co-worker that does it every time she takes a drink and I just want to stand up and scream "STOP IT, let the air in." 4) "Says" - I'm not an english major (as most of you can tell from reading this) but I also know how terrible it sounds when someone speaks improper. "So I says to her, leave me alone. And so she says to me, I'm not messing around". Damnit people it is said! 3) Over use of windshield wipers - I know quite a few of you are from Minnesota (heck everyone could be, I don't know who reads this anymore) and you know how sloppy the roads get when the plows come around and half melt the ice, creating a wonderful layer of slush. Well when you are traveling behind someone and it throws some at your car you have a tendency to use your windshield wipers a lot. Most people turn them off after it is removed from their viewing area, but then you have those that leave them on. I'm almost crawling out of my skin trying to use mental telepathy to convince the driver to turn them off, ::turn them off now.....okay....next time.....isn't that noise bothering you?:: It isn't until 5 minutes of hearing them scrap (screech, rub, you pick the adjective) against the windshield that they finally realize that they aren't doing any work. UGH. 2) Email Forwards - These are never funny and no one ever wants to read them. I feel it is my role as an internet user to break the chain of forwards that come to me. No one is going to die because they didn't forward the email on, no Microsoft isn't going to give you money because your email address is on a list, and no I don't care about the 25 fun things to do with pencil erasers. This to me is as bad if not worse then spam. At least a spammer doesn't know who I am. 1) Woman who wear tennis shoes with dresses - Seriously, who didn't get the memo that this is a fashion no no? I swear I replied to all when I sent it off. This has never and will never become a fashion trend. I feel that the ladies that do this can't decide if they want to dress casual or dress up. One more thing that tops the cake with this one is ladies who wear black pantyhose, then white tube socks, and then top them off with a pair of sneakers (white of course). Do you honestly think they look in the mirror in the morning and think, "Man I look good today!"? Honorable Mention - People who talk just to hear their voices

Christmas shopping with a crank

'Tiss the season to get all your holiday shopping all taken care of and everyday we get closer to the holiday the closer it is until you start seeing punches thrown. Bisher and I were out picking up a gift for our mom today so we went to Target. We walk back to the department, look at the selection and decide which one we want. After we decided I picked it up off the shelf and started to head the aisle, out of the blue a lady yells at us. "Do you want an honest opinion about those....?". Not missing a beat Bisher cries out "No" and we continue to walk on. The whole time this lady is going off about how "...these are better because..." and we are walking towards the price scanner to check the price of this item. It wasn't until we got to the scanner that I finally realize what happened and I just broke down laughing. Sometimes it is great to have an honest person with you.

Bootable memories

Today the state of Minnesota got blasted with a snowstorm that left traffic at a halt and people slipping and sliding their way to work and about. The part of this that truly brings back memories for me is when a lady at work had boots on. These were the tall snow boots that helps keep you feet dry and the type that you force your children to wear in the winter on their walks to school. The part that really stood out to me though was the fact that she wore them all day long. It wasn't like she just wore them to work and then put a pair of tennis shoes on to wear at work and change them again when it was time to go but rather decided to wear them for the full 8.5 hours that she was there. This conjures up memories for me when I was a child and had to wear boots to school because my parents didn't want me to ruin my good tennis shoes in all the snow and water. So in the morning you would pack up your shoes and throw on your boots and walk out the door ready to enjoy the adventures that the day in store for you. But when you were in a hurry the first thing you would forget was your shoes so you would be stuck at school with these huge boots on and feeling like a complete dork while you tried to participate in gym and other physical activities all the while trying to drag these enormous boots along the floor in attempts to make yourself as mobile as possible. :Clump: :clump: :Clump: The other children would ostracize you and all the other poor little saps that forgot their shoes and had to thump and stomp their way down the hall. You were absolutely not going to win the game of dodge-ball with the boots on. I feel that to this day I still have a grudge towards snow boots because of these childhood experiences.

Dinner and a UPS Package

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Christmas Card

Since I won't be sending out Christmas cards along side my letter of non-acomplishments this year I thought I would throw an image up that I would consider using if I were to. Hell I will even try my attempt in writing the accompanying letter: Dear Friends, Isn't it funny how fast a year can cruise by? Just a blink of the eye and 2005 has concluded. Everything in the Beener household is average. I didn't take that trip to the Florida Keys and I didn't get stung by a jellyfish and beg some random stranger pee on me so the acid would neutralize the toxin. I didn't get third degree burns on my shoulders that requires me to wear long sleeves at all times because of my stage one melanoma. I didn't get married and didn't have any little devils fly out of my nonexistent wife. Without family I didn't get to pose for a family portrait with matching sweaters and reindeer horns on the kids. I didn't buy that English cottage home in the middle of suburbia and didn't get the neighbor boy to paint my picket fence white. I didn't go out and buy a large SUV to drive alone to and from work. I didn't start my own internet business selling cheap cell phones and male enhancement drugs nor did I start a porn site that would have landed me a $1,000,000 once I sold it off. I didn't become middle management in corporate America and I didn't even get my boss a holiday present. I didn't win the lottery that I didn't even play but I did win a week of office football picks. I didn't bowl a perfect game but my 96 average is looking pretty spectacular right now. I didn't go off and "find myself" nor did I lose myself any either. All in all '05 treated me just the same as it has every year Seasons Greetings, Beener

Another blog linkage

I have been linked in another blog. Yippy! How cool does life get? Okay I know the other blogger and it is a must read. So here is a bounce back link for him. (Shout out to Buddy) LINKY -b

Link Sunday

I think today is going to be a link day. I have already graced you with one good link. Here is the next. Maybe this will help me land a lady (even though I don't know a word of code). LINKAGE But as you can tell my HTML is outstanding. :sigh: -b

Screw Amazon Wish List

If any of you out there are looking for a christmas present for your favorite blogger. Follow the link! LINKAGE Take Care, Beener

Three months to learn

I don't know about most people but when winter comes around I try to find an activity to take my mind off the cold bitter weather we have day in and day out. In the past it was everything from building model cars and people, to video games, all the way to digital photography. Well anyone who has any senses realize that photography in the bitter cold isn't fun. I know I have a few projects that will be done in photoshop this year but I felt that I should broaden my culture a bit and learn something new. Well ever since I was a small child I wanted to learn how to play the piano. So that is my goal for the winter months. I got a cheap keyboard on Tuesday that connects directly to my computers so the sound go right through the machine and right into Garageband. From there I can be anything from a violin to a grand piano. Now I don't know how many of you have picked up on this since reading the blog but once I set myself up to doing something I become a little obsessed with it. So this is all I have doing every night since I got it. I'm honestly to the point where I need to set up a schedule of things to do at night just so I get away from it and do something else (my video games are screaming my name). -B

Stocking hat, scarf and thirty layers of clothing

I have figured out that living in Minnesota in the winter time has to be the worst possible situation for trying to find a lady friend. It almost feels like you are in a Islamic country where all you can see is their eyes. Under the down coat and thirty layers of clothes could hide the most perfect soul in the world but since not being able to see it, it really makes for hard luck. Another phenomena that I have noticed back in my college days and continuing on through the present day is that all good looking ladies disappear when winter comes. It seems like the transition from fall to winter drives them away much like the "snow birds". Such a sad thing. Come back ladies, come back. -b

Part of history

Today I had the day off and witnessed history on TV today, the 73rd perfect show on The Price is Right. Everyone is a winner!

Mac People are going to be getting a new treat tomorrow, from me

Those running 10.4 will have something available for them tomorrow. I will write about it when I wake up. Think Automator Good Night Beener

A new twist on the Golden Rule

Today was another moment from the "city" that I would like to soon forget. After work today I was stressing out because sometimes numbers just don't add up to zero. We were walking towards the car in the middle of a snow storm when a man in a wheelchair pulls up on the sidewalk crosswalk. He then proceeds to ask me to light a cigarette for him. I reach down to his wheelchair pocket and pull out a pack and a lighter. As I'm handing him his smoke he has the balls to say "Just stick in my mouth." I give him the ugh eyes and do so, light it and leave. What was I thinking? Seriously? Bisher sure had a laugh the next 5 blocks to the car. At least I didn't jump into a dumpster first thing in the morning like I did yesterday, but that is a different story all together.

Spice Up the Night with Employees Quitting

Tonight we ran to Taco Bell for some dinner and while we were there a girl just up and quit. That is the first time that I have seen this happen in person and it creates a lasting memory. Oh good times. Attached is a screen shot from my new theme park. Damn I love video games. Good Night All! -reneeb