Midweek Blues

Midweek of the only sanity I will be getting all year and I'm still in high spirits. Something about the proper mixture of alcohol, the smell your skin gets when getting just the right amount of sun and taking random naps throughout the week that makes you just smile and be happy to be away from the three walls that you call home during the work week. Today was the day I was suppose to lay out and soak up the rays but due to the brisk cold front that has entered the area in the past twenty four hours, I'm going to have to try explaining the lack of brownness in my skin and the faint smell of beer and make them understand that in fact I was at a cabin and not some short term alcohol treatment center. Since the weather isn't holding up, perhaps I will get the camera out and try to shoot some images that will forever be burned into the brains of my loyal readers or maybe work on my self portraits so someday I will produce something fun like Ari can produce on a regular basis. Either way it will be a win win for you guys.

Update: I didn't get out with the camera today and so that makes me lame but since I have time on my hand, I'm going to upload some other photos that should make your day that much nicer. They may all look the same but really they are shot in different places. I have a tendency to shoot self portraits in public bathrooms and ever since getting this new phone a few months ago, it makes it that much easier. So I present "Six Portraits Shot in the Bathroom".













-B.

Vac. Day 3 - Toys

Toys have really changed since I was a kid. While some of the joys of my day are coming back in cheaper forms, think Transformers, some of the great toys of my time died with my childhood innocence. We lost G.I. Joes, Mask and the good Lego sets (like the outlaw's rock hideaway so after you simulated a bank robbery, he could have a place to shoot the police afterwards). We have since been weaned onto such inferior marketing ploys as Power Rangers and Polly Polly Pocket to try and entertain our children and keep them out of our hair.

In the less progressive areas of our state I have discovered that after you give little Billy his first Red Ryder BB Gun you can also buy hunting action figures so you can practice getting your hunter in and out of the tree stand and what to wear when you need to go goose hunting over when you need to go turkey hunting. Yesterday we made it to town to converse with the natives, eat some food and check out the local shops. We strolled into the local sporting goods store where upon walking up to the wall of guns (Charleston Heston would have sported wood) you realized that there was way too much junk in too small of a store. Well after meandering through the endless supply of ammo, guns, fishing supplies and trolling motors we come to children toys section and the largest selection of cap guns, six shooters and fake pump shotguns. The toy that really caught my eye though would be the Hunter Dan collection of action figures that you can now purchase for your children so they can mimic the killing machine that is Hunter Dan. You can buy Snow Geese Hunter Dan or Black Bear Hunter Dan or even his wench of a girlfriend Bow Hunter Ann. Some how I feel that childhood innocence always becomes forgotten when you throw in a female toy to interact with your male figures. Barbie was G.I. Joe's bimbo girlfriend (even though she stood over three inches taller) so I'm just guessing that Ann is Dan's long time girlfriend who also travels the countryside killing animals with their trusted Remmingtons. But what happens after the kill?

The camera draws into a moonlit bedroom with camouflage clothing thrown over the log dresser, the bear skin rug and over the camouflage textile canopy bed. As it pans the room the viewer can see deer, moose and bear heads mounted in the "A" frame house that belongs to the greatest hunter on earth. We start to zoom in on the end table covered in PBR cans and a camouflage bra laying over the edge of the bed. As we start to move into focus of what actually happened we see four feet sticking out of a goatskin rug and as the camera starts to pan up we see completely out of breath and glowing, the hunter and the hunted sharing a stick of beef jerky. The camera fades to black but the memory of scene will last forever.

-B.

I was going to include the secret photos that I shot with my camera phone in this entry but laziness got the best of me and so nothing.

Vac. Day 2, Images.

Sunburn, to many ounces of beer and a great nap. This is day 2 of vacation.

Here are two photos that I did capture though. 1000 photos in 30 days continue.



-B.

Vacation Day 1

Today officially starts the summer vacation for me and I couldn't be more excited. Leaving the work place for a whole week and not having to think about anything but basic human needs is simply an awesome thing. Am I hungry, there are three types of cookies that I can snack on. Am I thirsty, bottled water, beer and soda line the door of the fridge. Am I hot, one of the largest lakes in Minnesota awaits in anticipation of cooling me down. All my needs are met and all I have to do is enjoy it.

I tried posting a photo blog yesterday to try and illustrate my day (I don't think I have done that yet) but I lost my internet service at 10:00 on the dot. Perhaps it is some kind of cabin area curfew or perhaps it was plain bad luck but either way all the images didn't make it to the blog. They all can be found at my Flickr account if you really wanted to see them. I'm still trying to find a painless process of uploading and using a ton of photos in a blog posting without having to go to such great measures. If I get bored over the course of the next week I will work on something that will work. The forty hours I'm suppose to be spending at work and the ten hours of commute time have been exchanged for hours soaking up the sun, reeling in some fish and releasing the shutter on my cameras. Don't worry folks, I will find somethings to do.

As for the trip up to the Norte, I must say that it was a pretty boring one. If I didn't have someone texting me all the way up I'm pretty sure that I would have fallen asleep right outside of St. Cloud. I'm completely a fan of road trip, hell just getting in my car to drive to Target brings great joy into my life, as you get amazing music reverberating out of your car speakers while your eyes are overwhelmed by the superb sights of a world completely foreign to them. I brought enough music with me to play nonstop to hell the middle of Texas but my trip was only three hours long. I plan for the worst case scenarios and always pack music from mixed genres. Today it was Islands that was set on repeat and the eclectic sounds both soothed my soul and stimulated my senses. I really don't know why it was them today but they sure sounded good.

Day 2 report to come later.

-B.

Road Trip, Day in Photos

My room, where all the fun started. Reading material, I don't think I will get through both books but I hope to make a dent in at least one. I'm an over packer so I make sure I never get bored. Tis me, just for shits and giggles. Packing the car to the rim. Three things needed for a good road trip; music, new air freshener, soda. I found an abandoned car in Rogers so I pillaged it and found this castaway. This is my first mate. Good juice for my car. Tire blew on the boat trailer outside of St. Cloud. Four stops later I got to explore St. Joseph and meet some great locals. The tire got fixed and an hour and a half later we make are way up North. Cool looking store outside of Little Falls. The vacation officially starts. My car in front of the cabin. Time to relax. Dinner. Relaxing music throughout the city of Walker. My new way of life. Cool photo. No great meaning. Sunset ride in the Pilot. A perfect finish to the day. -B.

Exploring Plan C

I was recently given a link from a co-worker for the NBC job posting that involved being on TV. There were game show contestants and reality show stints but the one that caught my attention would be the role of being a "Deal or No Deal" diva. I'm thinking I would be perfect for the role of "Deal or No Deal" suitcase containing a piece of paper with a number on it holder. I could wear a suit while all the girls wore their cocktail dresses and be the emotional standing point for those crazy contestants who need the help. I'm not really a gambler so I think I would push for them to walk away with anything they had won. People are greedy and money is money but you need to realize when your odds are less than perfect.

Can't you just imagine turning on the TV and flipping to the show to have all these attractive people come over the stairs and in 29 soprano voices and one tenor go "Hi there Howie". The germ freak would go nuts!

-B.

Eccentric-Ville

I have become much less surprised when I see a crazy person these days. Back before I broke out of my dome of repression (AKA Southeastern Minnesota) I would be completely fascinated by the fact that someone was talking to themselves or doing something completely off the wall. I think my numbness to this whole thing started when I took a job downtown and see the same weird, wait, let me do something a little more PC, eccentric people combing the streets like lice through a homeless man's beard. Panhandlers who ask for money to ride the bus (where exactly are you going, your job?), musicians who just bellow out the same thing over and over again on their out of tune instrument or those who say they are just passing through town and need some money to continue their journey (Minnesota would not be my top stop if i was road tripping or was a hippie) all bring something to the entertainment side of the city that few want to meet but won't soon forget. I have had my fair share of occurrences with these eccentrics and I always seem to land the cream of the crop. Those who have been with the blog for a while might remember the man in the wheelchair who asked me to stick a cigarette in his mouth, or the panhandler who asked for money so he could buy a cup of coffee (yeah, beg for luxuries asshole) but my latest run in with the crazy farm happened yesterday.

It was lunchtime and I had a mad craving for some south of the border food that only Taco Bell can bring. I see a lady standing in line that I have seen multiple times throughout the city preaching about the end of the world coming and yet no one is listening. She wears stocking caps in the summer and always has her makeup (yes even the eccentrics need to look good) done to resemble a snow princess with frozen eyes. Her face is about as blue as if you took a Smurf and stuck them in a blender. As she is ordering her meal, one double layer taco, she is raving about how she can't get enough of them and they are so good. (Really, I think only a crazy person would use the words "Taco Bell" and "good" in the same sentence unless you said "It is good to see that Taco Bell has stopped using rats in their food.") She moves on and I order my food and we both get our grub at about the same time (oh joy) so as I move to the soda machine I hear her saying to herself "America wasn't born in a day" over and over. My eyes get all big (as they should anytime you hear something so insightful) and I just stop and give her a look. Now those who know me pretty well can really agree that my expressions say a lot more than my mouth does so I can only imagine the look she got when she blasted out "...Satan worshiping, like those people in India." Oh shit, what the hell does that even mean? The girl behind me (sporting a kick ass Decemberists t-shirt I might add) said "only in downtown" and I laugh, agree and move on with my day.

So what is it about downtown that attracts all this "interesting" people? It seems like there is a giant magnet (I think it is under downtown Macy's (near the spot you found the poop in the bathroom Tom) that just forces them to colonize. Stiffer laws are trying to get passed to help with this issue but sometimes you can't help but laugh and be entertained.

-B.

P.S.- I have been asked by a few people how my project 1000 photos is going. Well, I'm lazy and have only shot something like 250 photos. I do have another couple, irk, make that a week left in the project and I leave for vacation on Saturday. I think I could possibly finish the project while I'm on holiday (I have always wanted to be English) but I don't think it will happen. Anyone going to argue 1000 photos in 60 days? :)

(thanks for listening to my inner thoughts)

Let's Play....

Name that pissed off animal hiding under my rain gutter trying to die. I poked him with a stick and he ran into the vacant lot next door. HA! -w

Love does not equal Wally World

When you are single you are always on the lookout for opportunities to meet a person of the opposite sex. Random visits to Target for mundane products can become somewhat exciting by the 1% chance that you are going to see someone, have the guts to say hello and see if you can't win a chance to impress them (puffing up your chest and proving alpha maleness do not need apply). There are two types of guys out there; ones that use pickup lines and those who charm to get the attention of girls (really there are two types of people out there; ones that believe that there are two types of people and those that understand that is just ridiculous) .

I fall very deep into the "second category" and find that my random sense of sarcasm lands someone's attention far before I could win someone over a cliche line.

So tonight my parents drag me into my favorite store of all time; Wal-Mart. The first rule with Wal-Mart is always keep your head up because you never know what you are going to see. Rule two for the Arkansas based store is no matter what, never approach a girl in a Wal-Mart store. It doesn't matter if it is her first and only trip in or if she is there everyday, but you never go to Wal-Mart to look for females. Tonight was no different from any other visit and well there is the girl who has the cute face, you continue to look at her in her baggy ass sweatpants and you just think "seriously?". First off Rochester girls aren't known for their ability to dress well (sorry to those who still reside there) and then to top it off with the smells of mothballs that come with Wal-Mart and you might as well try you luck at the local retirement home.

My only regret for tonight is that I didn't wipe my phone out and capture some of locals in their Saturday evening outfits. These include:

1) Middle aged blonde woman (standing about 5'4") wearing the commonly used tank top layer look and she had her pink Razor phone jammed in her tank top between her breast and the strap of the shirt (who needs pockets?). This was a very classy look and I'm thinking the runways of Paris will be sporting this look come this fall. Function over form.

2) A father/son combination sporting camouflage from head to two. This included a baseball cap, t-shirt, and cargo shorts. If they weren't talking so loud, I think I would have ran into them as they just blended in with the surroundings.

3) A Nascar loving guy with his wife and three kids screaming "I can not find any Finesse, I can not find any Finesse". Maybe this one isn't so funny but the fact that I know the guy from High School sure makes this one funny to me.

I guess I can't tie the two subjects together and I really don't care. I haven't blogged for a while so this gives you kids something to read for three minutes.

-B.