Artistic Nude(s) Memories

The other day I was talking to someone about the subject of nudes in the arts and it made me remember the two instances in my life that I got to work with artistic nudes. I find each one a little on the humorous side so I thought why not try to make an entry about something like this.

I think it was my sophomore year of college when I took my first drawing class. The teacher reminded me of a very dirty version of Bob Dylan (and I think anyone who have seen him would completely agree that my description fits him to a "T") and really wasn't cut out for the whole world of teaching the youth. He would rather sit with his dirty fingernails, his ceramic coffee cup and smack his gum than try to motivate the young minds into created something new. I disliked the guy so much that I often opted to sleep in than try attending his class. Sure my D+ that he gave me clearly reflects my lack of interest in his class and my inability to draw but that was disproved later when I retook a the class with a different teacher and pulled an A. Back to the subject, on the first day after he hands out the syllabus it states we will be having a female nude later in the semester and so this got me thinking. After watching depictions of art classes in movies and television, one would expect a petite attractive freshman girl to walk through the doors in a silk robe looking to make a few extra dollars for her education. I later found out that all the freshman girls sold their blood plasma to support their weekend drinking issues but that is another story in itself. The first day of the figure study comes and in walks our model. Trying to describe her is going to be challenge but I will do my best to do her justice.

The door opens and in walks a women draped in a woven housecoat that was circa 1984 or 87, when the Twins still sported a winning team and we still cared about baseball. She had a bag over one of her shoulders and in her other hand was a 7' bamboo "pole" (I guess the strip clubs prefer the metal over the bamboo but that could be for sanitary purposes rather than esthetics). Upon placing my eyes on her I knew that this was going to make for a long semester of drawing so I plug my iPod headphones firmly into my ears and take a deep breath. She is asked to de-robe killing any predetermined hopes that this lady was the mother of our model instead of the model itself and as the robe drops to the floor you realize it is time to get to work. We start with some quick figure sketches to loosen our arms and than are asked to post the work on the wall for a quick evaluation. Looking back I think it was to poke fun at the few of us that don't draw so well but off she steps from the podium and instead of placing her robe backs on decides to walk around the drawings naked. She gets to mine and as I see all the little hairs on her legs raise up she continues to walk on. At this point I think I should describe her a little more into detail; Age: 50, Body Style: Thicker than thick but not obese, Hair: She mullet, Hygiene: Dirty hippie with hair everywhere and the smell of ¿BO? protruding out of her pores. I saw the same lady as everyone else but my brain couldn't comprehend it correctly because by the time my arm was making the motion my paper, she became a petite woman with curves all the right places. She was idealized with a capital "I" and I couldn't change it. I was asked a few times throughout the semester about it but I could never draw her the way she was suppose to look. I blamed my poor drawing skills on it but really I think I just wanted to make her prettier than she really was. To this day, I still think her and the drawing teacher were bonking on the side.

My second nude experience isn't very funny now that I think about it but it was pretty early in my photography education. It was in the middle of the woods in the mountainous portion of North Carolina. There was a snake pond and the model was such a rockstar that she volunteered to get into the pond for me. Who was I to argue with a halfway cool idea? I have looked at the images a few times since my return and just wish I could shoot them all over again now that I have a larger knowledge of how composition, lighting and everything intertwine when photographing a subject. I think I could NOW do the model some real justice.

Okay, this was pretty long and not that good and I'm sorry that you had to read it.

-B.