Deign to Read

New Photo Project, Project (365)

2007-10-18T21:41:00.001-05:00

When you major in photography and spend your working life in a financial institution you spend a lot of time creating beautiful images in your head of photos you hope to take. Challenges are always there and yet somehow the images turn out in the end. I have decided to join the bandwagon of photographers out there and join up on the 365 day project of self portraits. I like to title mine a little different, Project (365), but still in the end it is exactly the same. This is me over one year in an almost journalistic/documentary style that only a camera can capture. It will be challenging, fun and interesting and so I leave you with a link to the project so if you feel the desire, you can continue to follow the path that I am living. Comments and or ideas are always welcome and I hope it brings a ten second smile to your face each and everyday.

Project (365) link

-B.

Yellow

2007-10-13T14:50:00.000-05:00

When I started this blog a few years ago I thought it would be easy to create ideas and stories that everyone would want to read. The exposition was delightful with the man in the wheelchair having me put a cigarette in his mouth and the rising action was somewhat entertaining with various stories about nothing going on. I feel the climax of the blog came when I witnessed a prostitute writing down a guys credit card number on the box of feminine douche on a metro train. You know you can't compete with that and so my entries became less frequent and my posts only created boredom and disgust to me. The falling action continued the same way and now that we close in on the denouement of the blog. I love writing things but I hate to disappoint with barely anything clever enough to draw a chuckle I feel drained and disappointed. Perhaps I should focus on writing a memoir of my misadventures and that would not only get my shit out there but would allow me to take another notch on the pole of life. Shit happens and I'm sure when it does I will write it down but for now maybe this lifestyle that I live will need to be summed up in a photo or two here an there. Then again this entry might just be the spark I need to get into the groove of watching my fingers scramble around my keyboard writing down ideas my brain has yet to fathom. Either way, I'm just writing to say I'm still alive and life is fair and unfair at the same time. While striving towards mediocrity I sit here and wave at each and every one of you. Take care and I will be back soon.

-B.

The aftermath of 35W

2007-09-02T13:23:00.001-05:00

ust over a month ago the city of Minneapolis was in the national spotlight with the horrific scene of the 35W bridge laying in the mighty waters of the Mississippi River. While we watched minute by minute the dust and confusion start to subside, our city became a circus for a week as every national broadcast set up tents and shipped people in and out in an attempt to make an already stressful event into one of pure drama for the world to witness. I think what topped the cake is when I was flipping through the channels only to spot Mr. Geraldo Rivera on the edge of the road spewing off about nothing. When the news hungry media started to fully understand the lackluster amount victims, they all picked up and left leaving the world to believe that everything is going to be alright.

This is where my rant really starts to begin because while the rest of the world saw the 30 seconds of hell that the people on the bridge had to go through, the rest of the metro area has to see the damage left after it is all over. Our main artery to the north has been shut down and all traffic must be deviated to the east and west before heading to the north which causes already stressed roadways to become parking lots. This headache will continue for the next 16 to 20 months as they try and build a bridge as fast as possible so they are able to reopen 35W (is it just me or shouldn't they maybe plan a little before trying to whip a bridge in the old spot?). The news sure as shit doesn't cover this but this is life after a tragedy (irk, accident, irk, disaster). I think my point here is that I'm sick of the drama infested media that we are so prone to having. 24 hour news stations? Seriously, we are getting quantity over quality and now everyone's an expert.

Okay, that is out now and I'm okay. I think I may get into my car now and plan to be in Roseville by 8:30 tonight. Grrrrr!

-B.

Rouge Cervical

2007-08-28T21:27:00.000-05:00

Rochester, MN - Researches on Monday released some latest research results for people suffering from rouge cervical or commonly called red neck. Dr. Timothy Fulton a dermatologist and sociologist at the Mayo Clinic reports that through their extensive research into this medical phenomena researchers have come to the conclusion that this issue is both caused by heredity and poor life choices. He states "most of the cases that we studied in depth showed that these people were raised in households where at least one of the adult figures suffered from the same condition". Socially people suffering from being "red neck" have been observed being loud, awkward and even "slow in the head" as one researcher who requested to be left anonymous states. "These people have been known to congregate in large numbers together at out door festivals, NASCAR events and even have been known to commune in large movable homes together". Researches stress that the number of people suffering from this terrible epidemic grow each year the GOP is running the US government and hopes that this issue will be resolved by the time the 2008 election has taken place.

-B.

Rain

2007-08-19T14:27:00.001-05:00

Rain
Originally uploaded by Snotfist

Not much you can do when it rains all weekend so I have learned to take photos from my bedroom.

-B.

Artistic Nude(s) Memories

2007-08-04T22:32:00.001-05:00

The other day I was talking to someone about the subject of nudes in the arts and it made me remember the two instances in my life that I got to work with artistic nudes. I find each one a little on the humorous side so I thought why not try to make an entry about something like this.

I think it was my sophomore year of college when I took my first drawing class. The teacher reminded me of a very dirty version of Bob Dylan (and I think anyone who have seen him would completely agree that my description fits him to a "T") and really wasn't cut out for the whole world of teaching the youth. He would rather sit with his dirty fingernails, his ceramic coffee cup and smack his gum than try to motivate the young minds into created something new. I disliked the guy so much that I often opted to sleep in than try attending his class. Sure my D+ that he gave me clearly reflects my lack of interest in his class and my inability to draw but that was disproved later when I retook a the class with a different teacher and pulled an A. Back to the subject, on the first day after he hands out the syllabus it states we will be having a female nude later in the semester and so this got me thinking. After watching depictions of art classes in movies and television, one would expect a petite attractive freshman girl to walk through the doors in a silk robe looking to make a few extra dollars for her education. I later found out that all the freshman girls sold their blood plasma to support their weekend drinking issues but that is another story in itself. The first day of the figure study comes and in walks our model. Trying to describe her is going to be challenge but I will do my best to do her justice.

The door opens and in walks a women draped in a woven housecoat that was circa 1984 or 87, when the Twins still sported a winning team and we still cared about baseball. She had a bag over one of her shoulders and in her other hand was a 7' bamboo "pole" (I guess the strip clubs prefer the metal over the bamboo but that could be for sanitary purposes rather than esthetics). Upon placing my eyes on her I knew that this was going to make for a long semester of drawing so I plug my iPod headphones firmly into my ears and take a deep breath. She is asked to de-robe killing any predetermined hopes that this lady was the mother of our model instead of the model itself and as the robe drops to the floor you realize it is time to get to work. We start with some quick figure sketches to loosen our arms and than are asked to post the work on the wall for a quick evaluation. Looking back I think it was to poke fun at the few of us that don't draw so well but off she steps from the podium and instead of placing her robe backs on decides to walk around the drawings naked. She gets to mine and as I see all the little hairs on her legs raise up she continues to walk on. At this point I think I should describe her a little more into detail; Age: 50, Body Style: Thicker than thick but not obese, Hair: She mullet, Hygiene: Dirty hippie with hair everywhere and the smell of ¿BO? protruding out of her pores. I saw the same lady as everyone else but my brain couldn't comprehend it correctly because by the time my arm was making the motion my paper, she became a petite woman with curves all the right places. She was idealized with a capital "I" and I couldn't change it. I was asked a few times throughout the semester about it but I could never draw her the way she was suppose to look. I blamed my poor drawing skills on it but really I think I just wanted to make her prettier than she really was. To this day, I still think her and the drawing teacher were bonking on the side.

My second nude experience isn't very funny now that I think about it but it was pretty early in my photography education. It was in the middle of the woods in the mountainous portion of North Carolina. There was a snake pond and the model was such a rockstar that she volunteered to get into the pond for me. Who was I to argue with a halfway cool idea? I have looked at the images a few times since my return and just wish I could shoot them all over again now that I have a larger knowledge of how composition, lighting and everything intertwine when photographing a subject. I think I could NOW do the model some real justice.

Okay, this was pretty long and not that good and I'm sorry that you had to read it.

-B.

Five Things I Hate To Do

2007-08-04T21:37:00.000-05:00

1) Move into a new apartment
2) Poop in a public bathroom
3) Fill my car with gas
4) Sweat
5) Listen to ignorance

This is my first entry after the move so things are still a little on the wack. I will try and write about the important things in our lives (35W bridge issues, post photos from the apartment, turning 27, etc.) coming soon but I hope all is well with everyone.

-B.

Time of Death....

2007-07-28T13:16:00.000-05:00

Camera dead. Ben sad. One camera still alive. Ben happy.

-B.

Worst Pickup Lines I Have Seen on Flickr (As Comments)

2007-07-25T19:10:00.000-05:00

1. I see (feel) that love at first sight exists because of women like you
2. That left nipple of yours is working overtime, all right. Looks like a Scotch ad from the 70s.
3. Beautiful work once again. You do have a flair for this phtography stuff ;-)
4. Nice tits and ass ! (smooth as you can get)
5. love it, and its not becaause your nude
6. creative elegant and classy work...talented, beautiful lady...perfect recipe in my mind! Love it!
7. Yup. I too dislike when you get simple body focused comments like that. After all, I am more than tits and ass. I have a personality. A warped sick little personalilty that likes to play with matches, but a personality the same. 8. Good morning to you too. Just woke up and saw this pic. Now I know I will have a good morning.
9. With a view like that every single morning would be a good morning for me
10. excellent capture..of the cheeks :P...

The leg humping gets kind of old.

-B.

IQ Test, Please take it and help me out.

2007-07-23T20:51:00.000-05:00

Please help me debunk this IQ test. I took this test online on Sunday and after I got my score I was blown away by what part of the bell curve I belonged to. It is pretty fun and I would love it if people would take some time (I think it took about 15-20 minutes), take the test and then post your scores here. I know I'm surrounded by smart people and want to see if this thing is for real or not.

LINKAGE

-B.

Wasted Resources

2007-07-22T19:47:00.001-05:00

[RANT]

Today as I was driving home from the west side of the metro I passed a billboard from Coors that was raving over their new beer cans that "lets you see when you beer is cold". Now I'm not a member of Mensa International but I think I can touch a can and feel if it is cold or not. And why would I want to "see" when my can is cold? Unless I invent a transparent refrigerator or cooler, why the hell do I care of my cans turn blue or not? This super technology sounds more like a waste of resources than anything else. What is next, a can that screams "I'm almost empty"?

[/RANT]

-B.

Caught, how embarrassing!

2007-07-17T21:04:00.000-05:00

Tonight the most embarrassing thing happened to me. I was in my room alone "taking care of some business" and I didn't hear Chris walking down the hall. Without knocking he entered the room and caught me. I turn bright red and try to plead the fifth but it was already too late, I was caught red handed. Yes, Chris caught me watching House.

My name is Ben and I'm a closet House watcher.

-B.

Five Biggest Fears

2007-07-14T00:35:00.001-05:00

1) Snakes
2) Finding a dead body
3) Clowns
4) Car accidents
5) Needles

-B.

Five Favorite Things Today (7/11/07)

2007-07-11T19:24:00.001-05:00

1. Coffee
2. Cool weather
3. Neutral Milk Hotel
4. Me coche
5. Pasta

-B.

Bonus: Five Fashion Trends that I don't (or won't) Miss

1. Hooker boots
2. Laser lines in haircuts
3. Zubaz
4. Tight pant rolling
5. Sweat pants (I'm still praying that they disappear)

Memories

2007-07-09T21:06:00.001-05:00

Repressed memory #53322321

Driving around in my grandparents car looking for deer. If you didn't see one, you were a "weirdo".

Repressed memory #22222231

Pogs. Never owned any but wanted to learn how to play.

Repressed memory #432199

Slap bracelets. I had a cool zebra print one.

Repressed memory #5332

Playing vibration football in my grandparents basement while my brother was busy with the Atari. I liked noise and still do at times.

-B.

Midweek Blues

2007-06-28T09:38:00.000-05:00

Midweek of the only sanity I will be getting all year and I'm still in high spirits. Something about the proper mixture of alcohol, the smell your skin gets when getting just the right amount of sun and taking random naps throughout the week that makes you just smile and be happy to be away from the three walls that you call home during the work week. Today was the day I was suppose to lay out and soak up the rays but due to the brisk cold front that has entered the area in the past twenty four hours, I'm going to have to try explaining the lack of brownness in my skin and the faint smell of beer and make them understand that in fact I was at a cabin and not some short term alcohol treatment center. Since the weather isn't holding up, perhaps I will get the camera out and try to shoot some images that will forever be burned into the brains of my loyal readers or maybe work on my self portraits so someday I will produce something fun like Ari can produce on a regular basis. Either way it will be a win win for you guys.

Update: I didn't get out with the camera today and so that makes me lame but since I have time on my hand, I'm going to upload some other photos that should make your day that much nicer. They may all look the same but really they are shot in different places. I have a tendency to shoot self portraits in public bathrooms and ever since getting this new phone a few months ago, it makes it that much easier. So I present "Six Portraits Shot in the Bathroom".

-B.

Vac. Day 3 - Toys

2007-06-27T09:18:00.001-05:00

Toys have really changed since I was a kid. While some of the joys of my day are coming back in cheaper forms, think Transformers, some of the great toys of my time died with my childhood innocence. We lost G.I. Joes, Mask and the good Lego sets (like the outlaw's rock hideaway so after you simulated a bank robbery, he could have a place to shoot the police afterwards). We have since been weaned onto such inferior marketing ploys as Power Rangers and Polly Polly Pocket to try and entertain our children and keep them out of our hair.

In the less progressive areas of our state I have discovered that after you give little Billy his first Red Ryder BB Gun you can also buy hunting action figures so you can practice getting your hunter in and out of the tree stand and what to wear when you need to go goose hunting over when you need to go turkey hunting. Yesterday we made it to town to converse with the natives, eat some food and check out the local shops. We strolled into the local sporting goods store where upon walking up to the wall of guns (Charleston Heston would have sported wood) you realized that there was way too much junk in too small of a store. Well after meandering through the endless supply of ammo, guns, fishing supplies and trolling motors we come to children toys section and the largest selection of cap guns, six shooters and fake pump shotguns. The toy that really caught my eye though would be the Hunter Dan collection of action figures that you can now purchase for your children so they can mimic the killing machine that is Hunter Dan. You can buy Snow Geese Hunter Dan or Black Bear Hunter Dan or even his wench of a girlfriend Bow Hunter Ann. Some how I feel that childhood innocence always becomes forgotten when you throw in a female toy to interact with your male figures. Barbie was G.I. Joe's bimbo girlfriend (even though she stood over three inches taller) so I'm just guessing that Ann is Dan's long time girlfriend who also travels the countryside killing animals with their trusted Remmingtons. But what happens after the kill?

The camera draws into a moonlit bedroom with camouflage clothing thrown over the log dresser, the bear skin rug and over the camouflage textile canopy bed. As it pans the room the viewer can see deer, moose and bear heads mounted in the "A" frame house that belongs to the greatest hunter on earth. We start to zoom in on the end table covered in PBR cans and a camouflage bra laying over the edge of the bed. As we start to move into focus of what actually happened we see four feet sticking out of a goatskin rug and as the camera starts to pan up we see completely out of breath and glowing, the hunter and the hunted sharing a stick of beef jerky. The camera fades to black but the memory of scene will last forever.

-B.

I was going to include the secret photos that I shot with my camera phone in this entry but laziness got the best of me and so nothing.

Vac. Day 2, Images.

2007-06-24T19:28:00.001-05:00

Sunburn, to many ounces of beer and a great nap. This is day 2 of vacation.

Here are two photos that I did capture though. 1000 photos in 30 days continue.

-B.

Vacation Day 1

2007-06-24T09:08:00.001-05:00

Today officially starts the summer vacation for me and I couldn't be more excited. Leaving the work place for a whole week and not having to think about anything but basic human needs is simply an awesome thing. Am I hungry, there are three types of cookies that I can snack on. Am I thirsty, bottled water, beer and soda line the door of the fridge. Am I hot, one of the largest lakes in Minnesota awaits in anticipation of cooling me down. All my needs are met and all I have to do is enjoy it.

I tried posting a photo blog yesterday to try and illustrate my day (I don't think I have done that yet) but I lost my internet service at 10:00 on the dot. Perhaps it is some kind of cabin area curfew or perhaps it was plain bad luck but either way all the images didn't make it to the blog. They all can be found at my Flickr account if you really wanted to see them. I'm still trying to find a painless process of uploading and using a ton of photos in a blog posting without having to go to such great measures. If I get bored over the course of the next week I will work on something that will work. The forty hours I'm suppose to be spending at work and the ten hours of commute time have been exchanged for hours soaking up the sun, reeling in some fish and releasing the shutter on my cameras. Don't worry folks, I will find somethings to do.

As for the trip up to the Norte, I must say that it was a pretty boring one. If I didn't have someone texting me all the way up I'm pretty sure that I would have fallen asleep right outside of St. Cloud. I'm completely a fan of road trip, hell just getting in my car to drive to Target brings great joy into my life, as you get amazing music reverberating out of your car speakers while your eyes are overwhelmed by the superb sights of a world completely foreign to them. I brought enough music with me to play nonstop to hell the middle of Texas but my trip was only three hours long. I plan for the worst case scenarios and always pack music from mixed genres. Today it was Islands that was set on repeat and the eclectic sounds both soothed my soul and stimulated my senses. I really don't know why it was them today but they sure sounded good.

Day 2 report to come later.

-B.

Road Trip, Day in Photos

2007-06-23T21:43:00.000-05:00

My room, where all the fun started. Reading material, I don't think I will get through both books but I hope to make a dent in at least one. I'm an over packer so I make sure I never get bored. Tis me, just for shits and giggles. Packing the car to the rim. Three things needed for a good road trip; music, new air freshener, soda. I found an abandoned car in Rogers so I pillaged it and found this castaway. This is my first mate. Good juice for my car. Tire blew on the boat trailer outside of St. Cloud. Four stops later I got to explore St. Joseph and meet some great locals. The tire got fixed and an hour and a half later we make are way up North. Cool looking store outside of Little Falls. The vacation officially starts. My car in front of the cabin. Time to relax. Dinner. Relaxing music throughout the city of Walker. My new way of life. Cool photo. No great meaning. Sunset ride in the Pilot. A perfect finish to the day. -B.

Exploring Plan C

2007-06-22T20:00:00.001-05:00

I was recently given a link from a co-worker for the NBC job posting that involved being on TV. There were game show contestants and reality show stints but the one that caught my attention would be the role of being a "Deal or No Deal" diva. I'm thinking I would be perfect for the role of "Deal or No Deal" suitcase containing a piece of paper with a number on it holder. I could wear a suit while all the girls wore their cocktail dresses and be the emotional standing point for those crazy contestants who need the help. I'm not really a gambler so I think I would push for them to walk away with anything they had won. People are greedy and money is money but you need to realize when your odds are less than perfect.

Can't you just imagine turning on the TV and flipping to the show to have all these attractive people come over the stairs and in 29 soprano voices and one tenor go "Hi there Howie". The germ freak would go nuts!

-B.

Eccentric-Ville

2007-06-19T20:50:00.001-05:00

I have become much less surprised when I see a crazy person these days. Back before I broke out of my dome of repression (AKA Southeastern Minnesota) I would be completely fascinated by the fact that someone was talking to themselves or doing something completely off the wall. I think my numbness to this whole thing started when I took a job downtown and see the same weird, wait, let me do something a little more PC, eccentric people combing the streets like lice through a homeless man's beard. Panhandlers who ask for money to ride the bus (where exactly are you going, your job?), musicians who just bellow out the same thing over and over again on their out of tune instrument or those who say they are just passing through town and need some money to continue their journey (Minnesota would not be my top stop if i was road tripping or was a hippie) all bring something to the entertainment side of the city that few want to meet but won't soon forget. I have had my fair share of occurrences with these eccentrics and I always seem to land the cream of the crop. Those who have been with the blog for a while might remember the man in the wheelchair who asked me to stick a cigarette in his mouth, or the panhandler who asked for money so he could buy a cup of coffee (yeah, beg for luxuries asshole) but my latest run in with the crazy farm happened yesterday.

It was lunchtime and I had a mad craving for some south of the border food that only Taco Bell can bring. I see a lady standing in line that I have seen multiple times throughout the city preaching about the end of the world coming and yet no one is listening. She wears stocking caps in the summer and always has her makeup (yes even the eccentrics need to look good) done to resemble a snow princess with frozen eyes. Her face is about as blue as if you took a Smurf and stuck them in a blender. As she is ordering her meal, one double layer taco, she is raving about how she can't get enough of them and they are so good. (Really, I think only a crazy person would use the words "Taco Bell" and "good" in the same sentence unless you said "It is good to see that Taco Bell has stopped using rats in their food.") She moves on and I order my food and we both get our grub at about the same time (oh joy) so as I move to the soda machine I hear her saying to herself "America wasn't born in a day" over and over. My eyes get all big (as they should anytime you hear something so insightful) and I just stop and give her a look. Now those who know me pretty well can really agree that my expressions say a lot more than my mouth does so I can only imagine the look she got when she blasted out "...Satan worshiping, like those people in India." Oh shit, what the hell does that even mean? The girl behind me (sporting a kick ass Decemberists t-shirt I might add) said "only in downtown" and I laugh, agree and move on with my day.

So what is it about downtown that attracts all this "interesting" people? It seems like there is a giant magnet (I think it is under downtown Macy's (near the spot you found the poop in the bathroom Tom) that just forces them to colonize. Stiffer laws are trying to get passed to help with this issue but sometimes you can't help but laugh and be entertained.

-B.

P.S.- I have been asked by a few people how my project 1000 photos is going. Well, I'm lazy and have only shot something like 250 photos. I do have another couple, irk, make that a week left in the project and I leave for vacation on Saturday. I think I could possibly finish the project while I'm on holiday (I have always wanted to be English) but I don't think it will happen. Anyone going to argue 1000 photos in 60 days? :)

(thanks for listening to my inner thoughts)

Let's Play....

2007-06-17T21:22:00.000-05:00

Name that pissed off animal hiding under my rain gutter trying to die. I poked him with a stick and he ran into the vacant lot next door. HA! -w

Love does not equal Wally World

2007-06-16T20:56:00.000-05:00

When you are single you are always on the lookout for opportunities to meet a person of the opposite sex. Random visits to Target for mundane products can become somewhat exciting by the 1% chance that you are going to see someone, have the guts to say hello and see if you can't win a chance to impress them (puffing up your chest and proving alpha maleness do not need apply). There are two types of guys out there; ones that use pickup lines and those who charm to get the attention of girls (really there are two types of people out there; ones that believe that there are two types of people and those that understand that is just ridiculous) .

I fall very deep into the "second category" and find that my random sense of sarcasm lands someone's attention far before I could win someone over a cliche line.

So tonight my parents drag me into my favorite store of all time; Wal-Mart. The first rule with Wal-Mart is always keep your head up because you never know what you are going to see. Rule two for the Arkansas based store is no matter what, never approach a girl in a Wal-Mart store. It doesn't matter if it is her first and only trip in or if she is there everyday, but you never go to Wal-Mart to look for females. Tonight was no different from any other visit and well there is the girl who has the cute face, you continue to look at her in her baggy ass sweatpants and you just think "seriously?". First off Rochester girls aren't known for their ability to dress well (sorry to those who still reside there) and then to top it off with the smells of mothballs that come with Wal-Mart and you might as well try you luck at the local retirement home.

My only regret for tonight is that I didn't wipe my phone out and capture some of locals in their Saturday evening outfits. These include:

1) Middle aged blonde woman (standing about 5'4") wearing the commonly used tank top layer look and she had her pink Razor phone jammed in her tank top between her breast and the strap of the shirt (who needs pockets?). This was a very classy look and I'm thinking the runways of Paris will be sporting this look come this fall. Function over form.

2) A father/son combination sporting camouflage from head to two. This included a baseball cap, t-shirt, and cargo shorts. If they weren't talking so loud, I think I would have ran into them as they just blended in with the surroundings.

3) A Nascar loving guy with his wife and three kids screaming "I can not find any Finesse, I can not find any Finesse". Maybe this one isn't so funny but the fact that I know the guy from High School sure makes this one funny to me.

I guess I can't tie the two subjects together and I really don't care. I haven't blogged for a while so this gives you kids something to read for three minutes.

-B.

1000 photographs in 30 days

2007-05-27T22:30:00.001-05:00

In an attempt to get outside and force myself to shoot more and more photographs I have come up with the idea of shooting 1000 photos in 30 days. To some that doesn't seem like much and to others that may seem like a ton but to me I find it be a good mix. Now the purpose isn't just to snap the shutter 1000 times in the next 30 days but rather think about and compose some 1000 images. So over the course of the next month this blog might just turn into a photo blog and nothing more.

Day 1: 69 photos shot, 2 keepers.

-B.

Interview me and your chance to win big

2007-05-15T20:59:00.002-05:00

Much like a common chain letter that you would get through the snail mail the new trend with the blog world is to do this thing called "Interview me". Someone thought they would be act famous for a few moments in their existence (remember that less than 1% of blogs actually get read by a large amount of people, mine not being one of them according to the stat trackers) so they came up with this process of asking someone else some random question to be answered and then in a pay it forward gesture would then open "auditions" to the next in line to be interviewed. Well recently Ms. Missy had her interview on her blog and so being a fun guy teamed up with a major feeling of curiosity lead me to asking Missy to "interview me" and these are the questions that she came up (along with my answers). This might be interesting and remember I don't take anything to seriously.

1) Describe your own personal hell.

I think I would need to believe in the existence of a place called hell (and heaven for that matter) before I could really create a perfect definition of what my own personal hell would be. What I'm going to do instead is redefine the question as "describe a place that you would not want to spend the rest of your existence at due to unbearable conditions". I think it would have to be a place that is hot, anyone who knows me can back up my total dislike for hot weather (the sweating thing isn't my favorite thing). Other things that would fit into this place would be lack of entertainment, music, culture, expression, and people. There would be a computer there but it's only application would be Microsoft Internet Explorer and it would need to connect to the web via a 14.4k modem. It has been over eight years since the last time I had to use dial-up service and I was ready to pull my hair out then. I think I would probably last only a week in this "hell" before I would take my life and enter the real "hell" that the question was referring to.

2) What kind of food could you eat an obscene amount of, and exactly how much of it do you think you could eat.

Sesame Chicken and rice. Bisher and I have had this ongoing thing where I say I can eat the same food for a week straight for every single meal and he just doesn't think I would make it. If someone is willing to pay for the quality meals I'm so willing to do it. Yum yum.

3) What are the top 5 things you love about Macs.

Missy knows my love for lists so I'm going to answer this one in list form if everyone doesn't mind. 1. Sexy..simple, they are just sexy looking inside and out. 2. Simple. They just work. 3. Non-bandwagon. It makes sense if you know me. 4. Innovative. No one knows what new products are coming out of the Windows world but all us Apple fanboys are creaming our shorts every six months when Apple releases the next big thing. 5. They are set up for people in the creative field. I don't care about if the Sims can run on my machine but I know Photoshop is always going to load.

4) Describe the most recent dream you can recall.

I really wish I could give you a naked in class dream or getting my arms chopped off dream but instead I had a dream about hockey. I don't remember all the details so this is going to be pretty lame. Maybe I should "make" the dream more vivid like any true rock star would but I really don't remember anything about it. Rubber bands, hockey sticks, V-8 engines, la dee da. Sorry, this answer is a bust.

5) Someone is making a movie about your life. What five songs would you want in the soundtrack, and when in your life would they fit?

My movie would be a silent film because I talk to much. So I guess you would have the piano ripping through song after song as you see me born, make mistakes, become happy, and die. I think you would watch it though because it would be witty. Everyone loves wit.

I really didn't answer the questions like they should have been answered and if my interviewer is unhappy about this, please tell me. I would hate to destroy such fantastic questions with a little fun.

So here's where it becomes fun for you! If you would like me to interview you on your blog, simply leave a comment containing the words, "Interview Me!", and I will send you a set of five questions to answer on your own blog.

Toodles,

-B.

Playing Catch-Up

2007-05-09T11:36:00.000-05:00

Err, Currently I have been at work for 3.5 hours now, and our Outlook server is still down and out. I was doing my best to do as many tasks as possible that do not rely on information contained in my e-mail, but I have now worked myself into a corner. So, let's play catch-up with all the postings I should have been writing over the past couple of months.... It's the day before St. Patrick's day and I am finally getting inked. My lovely wife detected the qurter-life crisis I was going through in December and we booked the first available appointment at the tattoo shop I had been scoping out for about a year. Getting the tat was not nearly as uncomfortable as I was expecting and it was surprisingly easy. Everyone says that this is kind of an addictive thing to do, and I now fully understand that. Anyways, I now have a piece of artwork spread across the top right half of my back. I'd post a photo, but I don't have any yet. Props to Visual Addiction in St. Paul. 3.75 hours without Outlook and we are moving into April. Easter weekend we adopted a 9 month old puggle named Mason from the MN Pug Rescue group. A puggle is a cross between a beagle and a pug, so he has the athletecism and build of a beagle, but the coloring and tail of a pug. Since we have had him for over a month now, we have learned quite a bit about his personality. He can be pretty stubborn at times but is quite funny and playful. 4 hours down.... weather is nice out, I am done here. -w

5 Things I hate about MySpace

2007-04-11T19:19:00.001-05:00

Those who have known me for a while know that I'm a list creator and everything can fall in a few categories established within the list building process. Goals and aspirations, to-do, and rants. Today's list is nothing more than rant but I need to get it off my chest.

5 Things I hate about MySpace

1) Spam - I don't know who I should hate more for this, the people creating the spam accounts or the people stupid enough to believe in them. If spam didn't work, it would go away but instead some brainless person continues to think of them as the real deal and clicks away. The old adage states "an idiot is born every minute" and these are the people that make spam happen.

2) 96 million people screaming "look at me". MySpace caters to our narcissistic side and everyone is shouting about themselves at once.

3) MySpace photos. I was a huge fan of the "scene" girl photos back in the day but now it has become passe and boring. It is time to create a new fad of photo genius to display to your friends.

4) Load times. Is MySpace seriously coded in HTML circa 1985? I'm sick of hearing the excuses why the site can't load quickly (to many people, yada yada) but really it brings me to number 5.

5) Tom. Who is this guy that everyone has to accept as a friend upon joining the site? The first thing I did when I created an account was to delete Tom faster than a prom dress falling to the floor of a horny teenager's prom. I'm sick of his updates and mindless banter and I just wish he would go away. I imagine a geeky guy in the basement of his parents house typing away at his keyboard as his mom yells down for him to come to dinner. Sure this is a atypical stereotype but it is one that I feel is close to the truth.

-B.

RSS world

2007-04-05T21:08:00.001-05:00

I'm addicted to RSS feeds. Seriously, addicted. Over the course of the last 72 hours, I have read 667 items, starred 4 items and shared 4 items. I don't know why these little bastards are so enjoyable but I'm completely addicted. I think it has something to do with being on top of events, ideas, or gizmos but I'm not going to give these things up for anything.

Perhaps my addictive behaviors are reaching out to other areas (I am addicted to email and not drugs or alcohol like some might be thinking) but since Thursday when I discovered all the cool features that Google has given me for being a Gmail client, I feel I truly have jumped on the Google Net bandwagon. I think if they crashed and burned (not bloody likely) I would crash and burn with them. Where else can I check my calendar for the next 20 years, read the news and RSS feeds, then look at the photos that I have uploaded, update my blog and then email everyone? Yahoo doesn't even come close to the services offered from Google and for that I am thankful. The scary thing is how they monitor what I do on the Internet. They track my surfing patterns, my reading patterns and even look through my email to give me links to shit I just don't need. So for those who give two shits about my sharred RSS feeds, here is a link to my shared page.

Shared RSS feeds

And for those who don't know what an RSS feed is, why are you even surfing the web?

-B.

Symbology

2007-03-13T21:07:00.000-05:00

Why does Volvo use the male symbol as their logo? Anyone? Remember the great insight I provided and tough topics I used to tackle as the suburbian correspondent on this site, well, I'm back as well. Contract has been renewed. So, at the gym tonight, listening to Motley Crue, running on the elliptical, I look up at one of the TVs and see a Volvo commercial. I've seen it before, but this time it hits me that the Volvo logo is the symbol for male, and the voice in my head screams out above the Too Fast For Love chorus and says "What the hell?" -w

There's no place like home, there's no place...

2007-03-11T21:21:00.000-05:00

I'm one of those people who feel that we should have a celebration for everything. You woke up and made it to work on time, celebrate; you finished a whole box of Twinkies in one sitting, celebrate; you discovered your wife sleeping with you the mailman, celebrate your new found bachelorism. I don't on the other hand celebrate such cerebral events like birthdays, Hallmark holidays or things that happen once a year. I remember my last birthday party where I invited my friends was back when I was a wee little lad and McDonalds still served cake. I guess I feel that birthdays are a given and there is no need to celebrate them.

Today I want to celebrate the return to Blogger after being away from it for over a year. After my great deal with Netfirms ran out ($10 hosting for one year) I decided that the amount of traffic that comes through here and the amount of times I write in a given month doesn't justify the need to pay monthly what I paid for a year of service, so today we join the free network of Blogger again and I hope that everyone is okay with the move. For those who moved with me last time, welcome back and I'm sure you guys will find this place like home again and for anyone that is new, welcome. Please take your coat off and pull up a chair because this could become an entertaining three minutes in your life. Either way, thanks for coming back and I hope that everyone has a laugh here every once in a while.

As for my co-author, I have yet to talk to him about coming back with me but I hope that he decides to join the dark side again and have some interesting tales of the spring melt in the world of suburbia. As for me, I have no great tales of justice, stupidity or pride to share at this moment so I guess I will just leave it at that.

-B.

Moving Day

2006-03-05T15:40:00.000-06:00

Good Afternoon folks, I has been quite a while since my last post and I would like to apologize for taking so long to write. It isn't like things I didn't want to write but rather it is I was lazy and my life has become really lazy. I was also working on moving the blog to a new better place. So far it has taken me a while to get the initial things set up but right now it looks like she is ready to be introduced.
| The Forgotten Playground |
I'm going to keep this open just in case after a year I don't care for the new service and decide to drop it but all new posts will be going there as well as other fun things.
I have a forum started there as well as a photo album where everyone can post pictures (I know a large portion of the reading audience takes photographs so please everyone post them up to show everyone).
Take care and see you on the other side.
Anyone else want to be a co-author?
-B.

Primer

2006-02-26T20:41:00.000-06:00

I just finished watching another really interesting movie. It was one that was referred to me by a coworker called Primer. Very interesting movie, so interesting that as soon as it was over I left it in and watched the entire thing again with commentary. So here's another one to add to the Blockbuster/Netflix queue, Primer... Also, status update on the Samoas, they're gone, all gone. -w

two sided paddle

2006-02-26T19:39:00.000-06:00

Well I was home this past weekend, Bisher and I ran to the big city to get some shopping done. Every time I go out into public I worry about running into an ex classmate and the issue with having to talk about what each is doing these days. A conversion always consists of two questions; Where are you living now, and where do you work. The funny thing is that when you mention that you live in the cities, and work downtown people are impressed. You don't need to even say what you do but just the fact that you work in the downtown region makes it seem that you are making good money or you are prestigious in one way or another. These mundane talks drive me nuts to the point that I almost duck into the nearest store to avoid the contact with someone from my past. Hell folks it has been over 7 years since I was in HS and I'm ready to move on with my life. I propose a new idea where everyone carries with them a two sided circle on a stick. One side of the circle would be green and other side would be red. Now if you approached someone who you knew you could hold up the green side meaning that you are willing to talk to them or hold up the red side saying walk on by because I have nothing to say to you. It would take two greens to make a conversation happen thus eliminating all the awkwardness. This would be great for ex-significant others, coworkers, or ex-classmen. Once we get this issue solved we can move on to other important subjects like getting people to use the right lane when driving except when they are passing another vehicle. -B.

Happy Endings

2006-02-25T07:46:00.000-06:00

Em and I have been scraping at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to movies to get through our Blockbuster account. The result is that we end up watching a lot of random stuff that isn't very good. Last night we watched The Skeleton Key, which I would rate as average. We also watched Happy Endings, which was surprisingly good. Who would have thought that Tom Arnold and Lisa Kudrow could make a good movie together? Anyways, for those of you looking for a good movie, check out Happy Endings. As for updates on the 'burbia front, there aren't many, but the girl scout did deliver the cookies I ordered last night (Thin Mints and Samoas)! -w

Biosphere

2006-02-24T16:45:00.000-06:00

So I am at the rents for the weekend and it just feels weird to leave the liberal world that is the cities. It almost feels like there is a giant bubble over the metro area and as soon as you leave it you are in the backwoods. Gone are the import cars and people who care what they look like and here are the domestics and proud American flags off of every house. Hell there are some of those flags just in random fields. This is going to be another interesting weekend. -B.

Giant Neon Box

2006-02-21T22:20:00.000-06:00

The other day I was out eating lunch with a coworker with a couple of gentlemen sitting to the side of us. They were speaking quite loudly and whenever someone does that I feel that is an open invitation to eavesdrop and later make fun of the said conversation. While halfway through their boring talks about a case (I know one was a lawyer but the other one I would guess to be his client) the lawyer receives a phone call and takes it right then and there. So not only a loud talker but he is also rude in cell phone etiquette by answering the phone when in public and while conversing with someone. Now all cell phones have caller ID so he knew right away who the caller but he decided to take it anyway (maybe it was an emergency?) . It was his son having an issue with a printer on his computer. Now I would understand if this was a young kid having some computer issues but after the conversation the lawyer told the other man that it was his son, a senior at MCAD, who was having these issues. This is a grown 22-23 year old kid who is calling is dad (who is working hard) and asking him how to fix a printer. I guess I would feel a little worried as the father after I pumped in $100,000 in tuition to find out my son was a good for nothing. Hey maybe he was more into performance art where he dressed up in a black stocking and sprang around while blowing a kazoo with his nose demonstrating how the evils of corporate world are causing great depression in the flocks geese that fly in the once "V" pattern we have learned to expect. -B.

new toys

2006-02-20T14:17:00.000-06:00

Over the past couple of weeks I have picked up some accessories to help my computer become more of what I need/want it to be. Last weekend I purchase a 16x DVD+R external drive (I have a 4x in my Powerbook) that has this new "lightscribe" technology where if you go out and buy these certain types of disks your can burn images on top of them. They gave me a free CD+R inside the box so I had to try it out and see what the it would look like. The bottom image is the result and after 23 minutes of burning I must say it looks pretty cool (Tom I hope you don't mind that I used one of your images to try it out, your images are known for their contrast). The issue is that the disk drive burns data at like 52x which is really just a minute or two for a full disk but then you need to wait 23 minutes to burn your image on top, are you really gaining anything?
The next thing I went and bought was this Wacom tablet. I got the Graphire one because I really didn't know how much I was going to use it so I opted for the lesser model with the ability to "grow into" the next one. So far I must say this is a life saver in Photoshop, Illustrator, and other programs. This has already saved me a ton of time in spotting and clean up and am finally getting the hang on how to use it. Oh yeah, those are Death Cab for Cutie tickets. JEALOUS???? Huh? I'm so pumped to go see them even though every time I hear them live on TV, they sound flat. I'm just pumped for that night.
New shades to end the post. Cool! $6.00 -B.

TMA, this one is for you!

2006-02-20T06:44:00.000-06:00

I finally got a chance to go through some photos that were taken a few years ago when I was out in Penland, NC with Mr. Allen for a few months. I feel that a lot of what he has posted in the last few months can be summed up with corresponding photographs showing that history does in fact repeat itself. This is my dedication to Mr. Allen, my all time favorite teacher and photographer. Back during his Taboo post Tom talks about his wine drinking issues. This is actually the way he drinks wine. Then in his most recent post he talks about his portrait skills. Well his models are looking a lot cuter today than they did back in 2003. After the day that we like to call Black Friday at Penland, Tom started to act weird, almost like something was there when there was nothing. Sorry, I'm very much to lazy to run those through Photoshop twice and re-upload. Just deal. This is when he wanted to join the "cool" girls but they wouldn't allow him due to his ridiculous sense of style. I do love the 17" Powerbook though. Finally this is one of Tom's students after one of Tom's inspirational talks about how to capture the subject And what would a post be like without a famous group shot of me looking touch as nails! ::Sigh:: I sure miss Penland. -B.

Ska-U-Mah and Stuff

2006-02-19T18:40:00.000-06:00

A listing and short commentary of recent events: Watched 2 movies, The Secret Lives of Dentists and Shaun of the Dead. The dentist movie I am embarassed to admit that I watched. Shaun of the Dead was not very good either, I actually fell asleep the first time I attempted to watch it. I think the British accents put me to sleep. I have been watching most of the Olympic hockey games. My gold medal favorite since they announced their roster is Slovakia. Just imagine if Slovakia and the Czech Republic were one country.... I snooped around my neighbor's house. It is not quite completed yet, but I would guess that the construction should be finished in April. I helped one of my friends move this past Saturday, one of the coldest days of the year. I have another friend I am helping move this coming Saturday. And, just for fun, I was told that I am moving desks again at work on Wednesday. Went out to a campus bar, The Library, after the Gopher's hockey game. Long Island Iced Teas for $2.50 is one hell of a special. -w

BB and NF

2006-02-15T18:10:00.000-06:00

I know a lot of you have a subscription to Blockbuster Online or Netflicks so I'm going to throw out some movie titles because I have had complaint about not having enough movies to watch. Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind Hedwig and the Angry Inch I Heart Huckabees Meet Joe Black Mona Lisa Smile Lost in Translation Spirited Away Amelie Mulholland Drive Hearts of Fire English Patient Liberty Heights Blue Velvet Garden State Sleepy Hallow This should give you a few to add but I will try to add update with future posts. Please feel free to add to the list with comments. If I have enough additions I will update the post with them. Later gators, -B.

Double post but hell it is a holiday

2006-02-14T18:40:00.000-06:00

After receiving the valentine from Tom and Miren yesterday I started to remember my childhood and how we celebrated Valentine's Day at school. You all remember when your biggest worry was the 20 addition problems you had for homework and what kind of afternoon snack you were going to eat while vegging out on the 8-bit Nintendo (I'm still a God at Ice Hockey and Excitebike). School activities would consist of the day or two before you would take an old shoe box, add some red, pink, and white construction paper to it, throw on some hearts (or little circles with a point for those with scissor issues) and cut a big slot in it for preparations of all the great valentines you would be getting for your fellow classmates. The night before the big party you would sit up at the counter and try to write as nice as possible the names of all your classmates while trying to pick out the best cards from the box to give to your friends or the girls that you wanted to hold hands with. Then you would tape on the candy or stickers or whatever junk you gave out and stuff them in envelopes awaiting the big party the next day. Once in school the real fun would begin as each cluster of desks would be released to disperse their valentines. You would watch as the other children would make their way around the room dropping their Toy Story, Barbie, or Fraggle Rock cards into the slots of their peers. After everything was passed out the teacher released you to open up your cards and enjoy the rest of the day munching on candy and seeing how "Pam" signed her name (does that "a" look like a heart to you?). In the spirit of the holiday and due to the fact that I don't have a date tonight I made a valentine for all of you. Take care and TRY to get some sleep tonight. -B.

Happy V'tines day

2006-02-14T05:55:00.000-06:00

I was working on a pretty negative entry on this holiday when I go to check my email and this is in it. How such a small thing can brighten one's day is unknown. Thank you Miren! -B.

OCD Ongoing

2006-02-13T05:56:00.000-06:00

"Also, I would like to clarify one thing, I am not a germ-a-phobe as implied by the Toothpaste for Dinner link, that would certainly compound my problems." ::WAVE:: Hello! Plus my large bottle on my desk at work. (I got 20% more for free!) Here is my second: -B.

OCD Follow-Up

2006-02-12T10:13:00.000-06:00

After reading Tom's comment on my previous entry, I had to post this picture. His comment was rather frightening to read since I do not even know Tom, but I felt like he has been in my closet. Closet is organized exactly as Tom described, although, I feel like I got one additional quirk, all my hangers are white. This is not because we only have white hangers, Em's side has all the "misfits", black, green, blue, etc. Also, I would like to clarify one thing, I am not a germ-a-phobe as implied by the Toothpaste for Dinner link, that would certainly compound my problems. -w

OCD

2006-02-11T08:51:00.000-06:00

Lately (yesterday) some people (my wife) have called me out as having OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). This is not new, as I have heard this (from her) before. Yesterday on my day off, I happened to rearrange the pantry rather than watch the day-time TV crap (enter your favorite here, Price is Right, Judge Judy, etc). She (my wife) came home from work and claimed I had an OCD fit. I disagreed, since I am stubborn (actually, I think I am). Here's the picture I took this morning, I'll let you be the judge. Even if I am, as long as I don't negatively affect others, is it really a problem? -w

Pinhole Photography

2006-02-10T05:45:00.000-06:00

Thursday night, The Office just got over with and I'm to lazy to really write anything of meaning. So I present you pinhole photography. I did not shoot all of these. If you look closely you might even see a famous photographer and his girlfriend. -B.

Ski Races

2006-02-09T17:32:00.000-06:00

Sunday I had the opportunity to go to the annual cross-country ski races in Uptown with Adam. Side Note: I feel everyone has a wrestler name within them and Adam's would be "Adam the Cockblocker". His finishing move would be similar to Jake the Snake's were he would have a sack but instead of a snake there would be some foul smelling product in it and when his tag-team teammate would make a move on the opposing team's diva, he would step in and open the bag causing both parties to pass out. I would be "Mr. Efficient" and I wouldn't need a finishing move as I would win very quickly. My trademark would be dumping some good old hand sanitizer on my opponent after I won. But I'm not talking about wrestling. This was my first time to the races so everything was new to me. The biggest new of all is quite embarrassing as it was my first time walking on a frozen lake. I am a born and raised Minnesotan but it took me 25 years just to walk across a lake. Not only was it exciting but it was also scary at times because every once in a while you hear a snap, much like the sound of someone snapping a tight chalk line on cement, and then you look down to see a crack. You need to repeat to yourself that it is only the ice expanding and that you aren't falling into the freezing water below. All in all it was a good day and I snapped a few pictures that I am quite fond of. I think any reason to get me out of the apartment to pick up the camera and shoot is a good day. -B.

#5 Update

2006-02-08T17:40:00.000-06:00

5) People who pee on the edge of the urinal. This doesn't just apply to working in a commercial building but all urinals in general. The "aiming hole" is large enough to birth a freaking whale in and yet people are hitting the edge in record numbers these days. I'm sure that some of it is nothing more than a little drip or shake off but most of it is poor aim. This cycle grows exponential with every user of the urinal as people move farther and farther away from it trying to avoid any sort of contact with the strangers pee. SIDE NOTE: It has been proven that urine is very sterile and we should have nothing to fear from it. By the end of the day the floor is soaking in piss and you avoid the bathroom like the plague. I bring you an update on this ongoing problem as today when I walked into the bathroom I find that someone had been "multi-tasking" while he pissed. Right there on the rim of the porcelain was a bloody booger. This combined with their lack of pissing skills doesn't make sense in terms of Darwinism. If they can't hit a gapping urinal hole while the are taking a leak, then how the hell can they direct their erect member into a much smaller opening in the sack? Either that or their wifes/girlfriends/SOs have bruised stomaches, thighs, and sore asses. -B.

Braid Me

2006-02-07T17:24:00.000-06:00

A couple of weeks ago I overheard a conversation on the train from a woman on a cell phone and what seemed to be one of her friends. The lady was describing her previous days activities and what she did the previous night, which happened to be baby-sitting for a different friend. The conversation was going well when all of a sudden they talk about payment and how she didn't get paid for baby-sitting. She didn't seem very upset about it, being as it was her friend and all, but then she said "she didn't even offer to do my hair". This was sort of a shock to me as I didn't know that styling hair was a form of payment these days. Sure their are some weird forms of payment throughout the world including cattle, gold, farms, and offspring but at last check you couldn't pay for your E-bay purchase with two hours of hair braiding nor can you deposit a beehive in your Paypal account for a future online purchase. The last time I checked when passing a homeless person the sign didn't read "Will work for a mohawk" or "God bless you. I'm as poor as my bald head". -B.

Writer's Block

2006-02-06T22:24:00.000-06:00

This weekend I had high expectations for some inspirational moments that would spin-off into a blog entry. For some reason, none of the expected moments ocurred and now I am stuck with the memories of a pleasant weekend with nothing to complain about. I did not have any awkward run-ins with the neighbors, my problems with Blockbuster DVDs went away without a struggle, and everything else has worked out rather well. As I sit here listening to Vast trying to be inspired, I realize that this isn't so bad and I should go back to reactive blog entries and stop trying to be proactive with them. After all, it's just a blog. -w

Know Your Blogger Part 2

2006-02-06T05:55:00.000-06:00

As I lay here in bed watching what I believe is the post post game show review (I think they have analyzed what brand of shoe laces and socks each player wore and how they affected the corresponding plays) for the most uninteresting Super Bowl in history I feel I should give the people something to read when they come into work on a nice Monday morning. So in continuation with the series "Know Your Blogger" I bring you my top 5 rants against the ideas of corporate america. 5) People who pee on the edge of the urinal. This doesn't just apply to working in a commercial building but all urinals in general. The "aiming hole" is large enough to birth a freaking whale in and yet people are hitting the edge in record numbers these days. I'm sure that some of it is nothing more than a little drip or shake off but most of it is poor aim. This cycle grows exponential with every user of the urinal as people move farther and farther away from it trying to avoid any sort of contact with the strangers pee. SIDE NOTE: It has been proven that urine is very sterile and we should have nothing to fear from it. By the end of the day the floor is soaking in piss and you avoid the bathroom like the plague. 4) The blind leading the blind. This one is pretty simple but I feel anyone working in the corporate setting will fully agree that the people training have no knowledge of what is going on and this is a continual cycle that gets worse with every generation. This could be compared with inbreeding. Sure the first generation might not have any mutations but by the time that you get 3 or 4 generations down the road you have a pretty messed up thing on your hands. 3) Email Conversations. There are many times when emails come into ones email box that have nothing to do with them. As you aren't the only one on the email you ignore it figuring that someone else will take care of the problem/issue/joke list. This is where that big ugly REPLY TO ALL button jumps into the equation and you then are dodging emails left and right about something that doesn't even pertain to you. After a good 20 emails you think that the problem is finally over with and the cycle starts over again. 2) Candy Dishes. A candy dish in my opinion is for someone who has a great deal of restraint making it nothing more than a decoration on your desk (much like a coffee cup full of pens or a rubber-band ball). The problem I have with them is I'm totally not a person that has any restraint at all when it comes to candy. The second issue I have is that I enjoy eating when I'm bored. Put these two things together and what you have is a major problem. 1) Communal Printers. This has to be one of my biggest (really I don't know if this list is in order or not...you decide) irks. This is the modern day version of the water cooler with people wanting to talk to you about the darnest things well are you want to do is pick up your printouts and get back to work. There are people who hang around the printer waiting for prints that are 10 items down the queue but they still check every piece of paper coming out of the slot to see if it is theirs. I have actually restored to wearing my headphones to and from my desk to avoid the awkwardness that is the communal printer. AUTHORS NOTE: This is in no way a reflection of my job, this is just a collection of ideas I have learned through my years on earth -B.

2006-02-03T17:08:00.000-06:00

After getting such strong feedback from everyone on their favorite Chipolte treat, I decided I must have gotten the wrong thing and needed to try it again. Being that it is Friday, what is a better way to kick off the weekend than eating a something that is going to make you spend the better part of your evening on the pot? I decided to go with the Carnitas soft shell tacos and was very happy with my decision. I wouldn't call it out of this world or something to write home about, but I did enjoy it immensely in comparison with the steak. Thanks for everyones insight and if only I could get that kind of feedback on something important...::COUGH:: Bowling ::COUGH:: -B.

Groundhog's Day

2006-02-02T17:12:00.000-06:00

Happy Glorified Gopher day folks. This is the day when that little rat bastard pops his head out of a hole and something about a shadow or not and how many freaking days of winter we have left. It may not be any important day to everyone but this day holds a special meaning to me because many moons ago I became a man on this day. I don't want to come across as crazy but the reason I know this is because one of my ex's birthdays was on this day and so the following ex and I just kind of; you know. Maybe it was out of spite or maybe it was due to the fact that we were young and the hormones drove through us like US cattle. There were no candles, no massage oils, or anything fun and after the two minutes of bliss we went to Perkins for a late night breakfast. I don't remember if the groundhog saw his shadow that day but I know that mine lost his. -B.

Real Life 24

2006-02-01T05:54:00.000-06:00

In the past few years the television show "24" has produced a following of diehard viewers waiting to see what Jack Bauer's next move is going to be in his attempt to save the world from those evil terrorists. I'm going to state right off the top that I have never seen a single episode of this and I might be making fun of the greatest TV shows of all time but from my impressions of the previews (that are on every single time a commercial happens on FOX) it seems that all he does it run, yell, and shot a gun. That to me doesn't sound like much of a series but I guess it must get pretty good rating as it still is on 3 years later. This is an issue I have with the show as how the hell can one guy have three bad days in a row. I can see him saving the day once, and maybe even twice, but now they are just pushing their limits with three bad days. I have lived on the earth for 25 years now and haven't had a day like any of the ones he has in a two year span. Zap. So I got to thinking about what a show would be like with a real person with a normal job and the life that they lead for 24 hours. So I will take a bad day that I had a couple of months ago to compare with Jack. Clunk. My alarm went off at 5:10 in the morning so I hit the snooze two more times before I finally roll out of bed and check my email (face it I'm a total computer geek). I jump in the shower and let the water hit me for a good 10 minutes before actually washing up and getting out. Dry off, take care of the regular H & B needs, pack a lunch and leave for work. On my way out the door I grab the garbage and throw it in the dumpster but I throw my mitten in the dumpster also. ::Intense music starts up here and you can tell this is going to be the climax of the show:: So I take my little red that I have attached to my keychain and jump in the dumpster after it. I retrieve it and get in my car. That is a whole episode right there, how freaking exciting. Snap. Show two could begin with me fighting traffic on the Minnesota River Bridge and waiting around for the Light Rail to show up and take me to work. You have a camera zoom and pan as I enter the train, sit down and take out a book to read. I could just see the camera coming down the aisle to see what book I was reading and have it sit over head I continue this all the way to downtown. Talk about interesting programming. Pow! I'm not going to go through all 24 hours of the day but some more highlights include an episode based on a problem with a work issue. You can see me banging my head against the cubical wall trying to get all the problems to work out. By this time you would be banging your head against your wall if you were still watching the series. This would be 8 straight episodes, but let us not forget that I get a 30 minute lunch in there so you would get to see me eating a 6" meatball sub complete with chips and a soda. The train ride home would be another adventure just waiting to happen with the book from the morning commute replaced with my Molskine and iPod. Zip, bang, boom. Let us not forget about the 7 hours of sleep I get every night. Maybe I should pitch this one to FOX, they do have worse programs than this on the air.

Notes

2006-01-31T05:55:00.000-06:00

Alright many out there have asked about this note taking process that I go through to get my entries done. Well as of this last weekend the whole process has been set up that I would take some notes on my little note cards (yes I have them in my wallet with me at all times, along with a pen in my pocket, you really never know when you are going to write something down, or give a lady your contact information, oh wait we are talking about me, so I only right down thoughts) and then go home and transfer those thought into text files that I have. This past weekend I have even gone out and created a file server on my external HD that allows me to access the same files from both computers so I don't need to connect both computers and drag and drop new files, I must say that this new file server thing is pretty slick. From the notes I would create an entry, simple as that. Well everything changed this weekend with my purchase of my Molskine journal. Not only is this thing mighty cool but it is also has a cult following (finally I have been excepted into some kind of clique). Now I have all my brainstorming sessions on paper and than I can go from there. This has been a long time coming, that is me resorting back to old fashion paper instead of digital files (though is still write all these down in text files and then archive them when they have posted) but it really was this blog that got me thinking about handwriting and how much I really enjoy doing it. It is something that is part of you and only you can appreciate your handwriting (maybe because most people (excluding Tom, who's handwriting I would give my right hand for) create this chicken scratch that only your own eyes can rip apart and decipher into words and sentences). The issue that arose for me when I did do this transfer was the first mark I made in my Molskine, because up to that point it was perfect. It wasn't until that first mark came across creating that first permanent flaw in the paper was I really feeling comfortable doing so. This really is an issue that plagues me during much of my life. I will buy candy that has many in a package (M & M's, Skittles, Starbursts) rather than a candy bar as I know it will last me longer. This also continues with notebooks that I buy for .10 during school shopping sales at Target. I just can't make that first mark in it. Right now I have 3 or 4 notebooks in my dresser that are brand new and I just can't make the move to make that first stroke. I guess I'm a little strange in this sense, but I am how I am. So what I did for the first stroke on this Molskine was picked a spot a little farther from the middle and just starting going. I feel it was a wise move and so far this thing has been a blessing to me in terms of clearing my head. "And this is how a bill becomes a law". I'm sorry this post isn't very funny but sometimes you need to write something a little more "real" and since I don't have a kid to write about, I write about me. -B.

Post 100

2006-01-30T16:30:00.000-06:00

As I close in on 100 (at the point of writing this I'm only 3 away. EDIT: THIS IS 100) I feel that we should get together for something fun. So I think we should have a bowling party. I don't know if it is the instint fun you feel when you throw on the shoes or the fact that you can beat someone but bowling is an awesome group activity. Now of the 5 "W"s I only have three so work with me people and lets get this ball rolling on this. Who: Everyone What: Bowling and maybe Village Wok afterwards Where: ??? When: ??? Why: Do we need a reason? Just a little heads up, my awesome 96 average is killer out there. Beware! Okay after some thought I feel that everyone has at least one quality blog post in them so for the high score and the low score goes the reward of posting one work safe entry on the blog. -B.

Neighborhood Watch

2006-01-29T16:41:00.000-06:00

This past Friday included a few significant events. The most prominent being the sighting of our new neighbor-to-be. It just happened to be that each member of the cul-de-sac was at home when he stopped by to check the progress on his house (this is a pretty rare occurrence for 3:30 on a Friday in January). Everyone was out, I was in my garage cleaning and making room for another suburbia element, another neighbor was standing outside their door, the one across the street was in the garage talking to a guy selling meat out of his truck, and the final member just was pulling in to the garage. We all stopped what we were doing simultaneously to check out the new addition to a group that has been together for about 10 months. All eyes were on him, sizing him up, trying to get any hint of who he was and his personality. Later on that night, the current members of the cul-de-sac convened to discuss our observations around a ritualistic burning of Christmas trees. -w

Cloudy Saturday

2006-01-28T17:34:00.000-06:00

Today was an atypical Saturday for me as I actually went out and got some things done. First off we headed downtown to visit my favorite store (Marshall Fields/Daytons/Macy's) so Bisher could finish he shopping he starting last night (what can I say, they have some great deals). I bought nothing, an event that kind of throws in you this somber mood feeling like you failed at life. Our next stop was all for Bisher and I was just along for the ride as we went to the St. Paul Winter Carnival's Orchid Show (try saying that fast three times). Here my joy was watching the nerds and geeks that live for these plants come to orgasm over each and every one. Bisher isn't half as obsessed as some of these folks as they sported orchid shirts, strapped expensive D-SLRs with them and such. It wasn't until we left that it all came into full spectrum. The image above is from the car that parked right next to us. That their is pure hand painted geekyness all wrapped up into one super cool car. I feel the Saturn is just par for the course with this crowd. There were moments that I felt some of them were going to wipe out their Magic the Gathering cards and go to battle right then and there. Sword +3 totally beats a heat shield +14! This was my second experience with this "type" of people in the past two days. On Friday we went to Burnsville Mall and there inside of Air Traffic in the backroom was the true example of dweebs, as grown men and boys sit around a table of "pieces", roll dice, and do battle in a little thing they like to call WarHammer 3000/4000 (some number???). They had their big gulps full of caffeinated soda and were ready to do battle long into the night. This is what I suspect a Star Trek convention is like without people dressing up like Data and Klingons. Alright back today. After the orchid show we headed all away across the Cities and visited Borders books in an attempt to find another book to read (I finished Generation X yesterday). I picked up a copy of Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker and a Moleskine journal. I figure if great minds like Picasso and Hemingway both felt the need to use them, I feel my great mind should too. Tonight it is the Gopher Hockey game at Wade's.

Uck

2006-01-27T17:14:00.000-06:00

Today I broke my Chipolte virginity and went with a bunch of people from work. I don't know why everyone is so freaking raves about this place but it didn't blow my pants off and I won't be craving this anytime soon. Maybe I made a rookie mistake and ordered a steak burrito but I just don't see what the big deal with it is. First bite was good but after I wore off the initial hunger it became tasteless and not very appetizing. When someone loses their virginity to something it better be good. I remember looking back now. It was a cold February night..... -B.

Metro Transit part 3

2006-01-26T19:26:00.000-06:00

I understand that this is starting to become a recurring subject matter but when you spend a little more than an hour on the train a day you have a lot of time to find something interesting to write about. So now that the novelty has worn off the whole concept of riding a train to work I can actually get some things done instead of starring out the window. Back in the day I was so intrigued at traveling 60 miles an hour down a tunnel that I couldn't do anything but stare at the passing lights and worry about the train derailing ripping through the tiny tunnel leaving us all wrapped up in a mess of twisted metal. I guess when you read books about corpses you start getting some crazy ideas in your head. "Yeah, moving right a long we find Mr. Johnson, who's head we still can't find but we have identified him using he left foot. It was the only piece that gave us any sort of prints." Now I feel that you have some guarantees that are going to happen while riding on mass transit, be it the bus, train, or even an airplane. You will always have an interesting character that you can't help but watch to see his/her next move be it someone who consistently checking their cell phone like they missed a call, someone who rhythmically bangs their head against the window, or someone who needs to head-bang. These are the people that make the trips either very long or very short depending on the severity of their wackiness. The second guarantee is one person will drive you completely nuts with how annoying they are acting. These two variables could be the same person but most likely they are two different people. Today's interesting person was a man who ate an apple. Now this at first this doesn't sound very interesting but this man ate the whole apple right down to the little stem. This seriously is the first time ever that i have seen this (call me small towner if you will) and I found it completely fascinating. It still blows my mind, again call me small town.

"Wild" Night

2006-01-25T20:58:00.000-06:00

PRENOTES: Not to shabby of a photo shot with a point and shoot camera, flash on and only being away from the subject 4 inches. I shot through a white piece of paper and by golly it diffused pretty darn well. Last night I had the opportunity to go with Wade to the Wild game vs the Phoenix Coyotes (who are coached by none less than my favorite player of all time, Wayne Gretzky). During the game one lucky/unlucky fan had to choose who from the Wild would score a point during the game for the chance/punishment of winning tacos for a year from Taco Bell/Toxic Hell. Well this kid picked the right player and won the prize. Now he is stuck eating tacos for a year and so we wonder how many tacos is that? Is that once a day, once a week? How exactly is it figured? Because I know when I trounce into Taco Bell I want more than one taco and a bottle of Tums. Oh yeah, Wade wanted me to let you know that Darren Pang was only three chairs down from us during the third period of the game. I shot a picture with my prize camera on my phone (HA!) and haven't even took it off the phone yet because I know how un-usable it really is. Link (1) Link (2) Links are for those who doesn't know who he is. Wade check the second link and look at the last line, this is why he was at the game! After the game on the way back to the car we get to the elevator at the parking lot when all of a sudden the pay phone starts ringing. Now I thought to myself how many times in one's life does the opportunity come up that you get to answer a phone call from a complete stranger and make as big of a fool you want. So I tried the old Matrix line and this is exactly how the phone conversation went. Me-"Neo?" Girl-"Someone called for me from this number." Me-"Neo?" (at this point I should make it perfectly clear that this girl has never seen or even heard of the Matrix so she doesn't know what is going on and is starting to get a little irritated as you can note in the next thing she said) Girl-"Does this sound like Neo, N*gger?" (this is an exact transcript) Me-(I start laughing uncontrollably because of her previous comment) "This is a pay phone" Girl-::click:: Now first off, this is one of the pet peeves I have with caller ID. Why would you call a number that you have never seen before? Isn't this what the voice mail system is for? If people want you to call them they can clearly state that in a very short message "Call me". But now it has come to me today that I should have wrote the number of the payphone down and called it myself some other time. I wonder how many people would play along with you in different situations? You know I had some pretty good notes for this post and it seems to me that it is turning into a flop (maybe because I don't have anything that is even remotely entertaining as finding your child eat cat food. Last attempt at saving face. Check out The Decemberists on iTunes. Awesome band, totally rare style.

January

2006-01-23T19:20:00.000-06:00

For me January is a time where my desire for hockey gets out of control and really peaks. This past Saturday I had one of my more unique experiences. I got up early to head out to the US Pond Hockey Championships at Lake Calhoun with my uncle. I got the opportunity to watch many former gophers, and ex-NHLers on the pond up close and personal. It was very interesting to see guys like Bonin and Dziedic out in the pond-style format. Maybe even more interesting was to be able to stand less than a foot away at eye level with this talent. After being on the lake for over 3 hours I had all I could handle. I headed over to my uncle's for some time in the hot tub before the Gophers game. Gophers swept CC while Wisconsin was swept by Denver later on in the day. -w

Redirect works

2006-01-23T05:57:00.000-06:00

Just to let everyone know, the forwarding of Go-Daddy worked and now if you type in www.snotfist.com it leads you right back to this great page. Yippee for me. Gotta go to work now. -B.

PHP divided by Apache 1.4 + MYSQL = WTF

2006-01-22T20:08:00.000-06:00

As we are closing in on 100 posts of this little blog I wanted to do something nice for everyone so I went out and bought a domain (damn you EE people who tried talking me into it on Friday, you know who you are). So I got www.snotfist.com and then I went to setup my free blog on it. Well if you load the page and take a look at it, it looks retarded. This bullshit company has their stupid banner on top of the page and they only allow one author to post. So in a different attempt to get this thing to work, I talked to Jordan for helpful hints on solving this problem and just setting up the webserver on my iMac G5 and running it from there. Well as you can see, I'm still using blogger and it seems like it will be that way for a long time. He was throwing works like namehosting, and MYSQL and I was blocking them with huhs and what is thats? I guess the internet has won this battle and the war but someday I will learn PHP and Apache and I will rule the world. ::insert evil laugh here:: Oh, and tell me if you like the one on my domain better or not. Just throwing it out there. -B.

Beer Label Update

2006-01-21T12:54:00.000-06:00

This was dicussed last night and I feel this was the hands down winner. Who is going to explain this one to Leah?

Vegitales

2006-01-21T11:28:00.000-06:00

Last night I was invited over to a friends house to catch the Gopher hockey game with the crew. I have never been to this guys house before so I asked him for directions and like in any typical 21st century response he gives me his address and points me to Google Earth (Maps) for easy driving directions. I know telling me to take a left on Connelly and a right on Dakota is tough work and laying down your address is easy but this Google Map system has lead me astray before. So I'm on the road enjoying some fresh Prodigy (it makes me drive faster for some reason) when I come up to a stop light with a mini van sitting at it. Upon closer examination it appears to have one of those fold down DVD players for the kids in the back. Now when these DVD players were first starting to be put into cars there was a huge issue of people driving around with porn on them giving the fellow people on the road a drive by snippet of two people banging the living hell out of each other only to leave the person next to them wondering if they really saw what they really saw. Well last night was not a porn that I witnessed but rather I was drive by educated with fun words like "Spot" and "Ball". These poor saps think that having your children watch educated videos starring inter-racial muppets and humans are really going to impact your child's future is almost as much rubbish as listening to classical music during pregnancy is going to create a little genius. The modern day parents will do anything to get their child to exceed farther in society and that means enduring countless hours of videos consisting of vegetables, explorers named Dora, and countless muppets that have A.D.D. Give my child a contemporary mobile and lets call it a day. Back to last night and sorry for that tangent. On my way over I knew I was entering dangerous waters when I take the first turn that Google Maps tell me and see that I'm entering the evil world of suburbia (now before people tell me that Eagan is suburbia you haven't met my neighbors). I continue down the road looking for Brunswick and all I see is state names. Louisiana, Maine, Georgia, and at this point I start to panic. I'm pretty good with directions and I feel like I never get lost so I call up Wade and ask him if I'm on the right road and reiterate to him that I'm worried that someone from the 'burbs is going to car jack me and take my Gap scarf. He told me "look for roads that are named after billiard tables". I'm stuck in states and he is speaking of billiard tables, oh crap. I pull off the main road and park my car in a cul-de-sac to find out where I was and where I should be going. As I'm sitting there I feel 30 eyes all staring out every window in the four house neighborhood. At one point I saw someone flicking lights on and off in a room either signaling the others to move in for the attack, call the cops, or it was just some rugrat having fun with a light switch. I get the hell out of there and find the house I'm looking for and walk into what appears to be a daddy day-care. Damn why couldn't it have been a drive by porning?

Bored night at home

2006-01-18T19:56:00.000-06:00

This is what happens when I'm uninspired and bored.

Clean, clean as can be

2006-01-18T17:11:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I really don't understand people. I feel that I am a very clean guy (I know this is questionable with my obsession of hand sanitizer, but let's just take my word for it) but it seems to me that a lot of people aren't as keen on personal and environmental hygiene as I am. There are some people who feel the need to wash their lunch (or breakfast) dishes out in the sink of the men's bathroom at work. Now I understand that you need to clean your dishes but come on, this is the place where you are suppose to wash your hands after use. I don't know what is more unsanitary, the person's dishes or the sinks after this is done. I even have experienced some "pre-soaking" while the owner took care of some other business. This to me is pushing the barriers. This has been going on since I arrived at my job and I thought not much of it as I feel that most jobs have this issue as well. And then came today. A toothbrush has found its way into the bathroom counter and there was no owner to be found. If that wasn't enough when I went to fill my water bottle up at the drinking fountain I found plant potting soil in it. Seriously how much farther can we push this? -B.

Stamp Collector

2006-01-17T20:25:00.000-06:00

When I moved in to my suburbia residence back in March, one of the first items of business was to join Sam's Club (I think this was a clause on my mortgage). As many of you know, Sam's Club has various items that can be bought in bulk. So, on one of the first trips to The Club it seemed like a wise idea to buy a bunch of stamps (do not get ahead of me), actually it was an even 100. Since I am a person who likes to make things easier for myself, it seemed like a no-brainer, I will never run out of stamps, I will never be in that position where I have something to send but have no postage..... When I heard the price of postage was going up I realized the predicament I had put myself in. You see, in an effort to make things easier for myself, all my bills are paid online. I really only need a stamp maybe once every few weeks or so for the occasional b-day card, etc.... I now have over 70 stamps that are at the 37 cent rate. Meaning I had to go buy an equal amount of 2 cent stamps. My wife went online and ordered 80 stamps from the USPS website for a whopping $2.60 charge on the credit card ($1 for shipping). She ordered the stamps last Wednesday. Now, how long would you expect it to take the post office to deliver stamps? Maybe our expectations our too high, and granted there was a holiday on Monday, but we were expecting them to arrive no later than Saturday. I guess I do not understand why this should take so long. Part of my impatience may be due to the fact that I now have something to send out in the mail, but no postage to do it with (too stubborn to put 74 cents of postage on it). Bigger Picture - based on my current supply of stamps, I estimate that I will be using the 37 cent stamps from Sam's for about the next 4 years (2010). I wonder how much additional postage I will need to buy between now and then. -w

Bisher takes the plunge

2006-01-17T18:39:00.000-06:00

Today I convinced Bisher that needs to take the plunge and start his own blog (this is after he gave me a hard time for having one all this time). I will include the linkage on the Blogs that I Digg area and such but right now it will have no posts. He needs to "think about what I want to write". So check it out and watch it develop. Clock on the Mantel -B.

Possible new idea for the blog

2006-01-16T17:03:00.000-06:00

Okay since Apple hyped up the new iLife 06 package so much in the last couple of weeks I found it necessary to try it out and see how much easier and nicer it will work. So the first thing that I was interested in was the use of iWeb to create a blog (this is the reason you are here). So after just a couple of minutes I threw up today hockey post using the new iWeb software and the link is below. I would like people to weigh in and tell me what version is better and why if they could. Right now I'm more into blogger not only because it is free but because of the comment section which Apple has none of. This should be an interactive thing and not just a one sided battle. New Linkage Thanks, -B.

Dilbert speaks for me

2006-01-16T15:02:00.000-06:00

Adam gave me some linkage to this and this is exactly how I am starting to feel in the cube farm. I know my post today is lazy but look at all the writing I have done already today. -B.

Totally blogable weekend

2006-01-14T23:35:00.000-06:00

This is just a warning that this weekend is a great weekend for blogable events. At this point I think I have at least three if not four posts in the works and are going to get posted on Sunday evening when I get back from the rents house. Tom's blog post about Taboo (Linkage for those who qualify) will have the remaining parts that he so nicely left out put in. ::hint:: I have drank with this man...::hint:: Everything will be back dated to cover the weekend starting on Friday so check it out when it comes in. Come on people, brainstorm and throw something up about Ryan's beer label so I have something more to go off of. I have a nice looking behind on a lady in vector form that a few of you have said would work great. I could talk to Leah (wait, I could have Leah talk to me, and I could throw it out). Only kidding.....ha hahahahahaha. Later all... -B. EDIT: 8:25 Sunday night, I'm really really lazy tonight and I have tomorrow off (Martin Luther King day) and will do my update then. I hope not to many people are upset. lol

Wild hockey game Saturday

2006-01-14T14:35:00.000-06:00

Saturday night I had the pleasure of attending a Minnesota Wild game against my favorite team, the Calgary Flames, with my dad. The man is decked out head to toe in Minnesota gear while I sport my one piece of Flames apparel (a kick butt hat) and we head out the door to head to the "big city". Now we had it planned that were going to stop and eat somewhere but due to time issues we just decided that we would stop by Cosetta's (a St. Paul tradition) and have a slice of pizza before the game. This would what you call mistake number 1. The line was out the door and there was no way in hell I was going to wait for some food just to find that there was no place to sit. Well what is the second greatest place to eat on 7th street. If you guessed Subway you were dead wrong but still that is was the only place that was slow enough inside that we could get eat and sit down before getting inside the Xcel. As always in the American tradition we are honored by the singing of the national anthem. But before we hear that we are graced with pleasure of hearing one the most beautiful anthems ever, "O' Canada". While our national anthem is about war the Canadian's is nothing more than bliss for there country. How fitting. Back to the game now. The atypical fans were in attendance at the game including Mr. HaveanotherdrinkbecauseIcanstillmakeout14%ofyourwords. This is the guy you see with his beer glasses stacked up inside of each other and him drinking from the top most one. He is the also the one who is yelling at the ref about things that don't need to be expressed. "He did something to one of our guys", this would be a typical quote from this type of figure. By the midway point of the third period all I could translate out of him was "ba, baa, bo, bom". Another one in attendance was Mr. IknoweverysongontheoverheadradioandamgoingtosingthemasIwalkupanddownthestairs. This is another one of the typical male figures (though it doesn't always have to be male) that feels it the need to sing the crappy 80's love ballets as him and his good looking wife walk up and down the stairs. I guess we will never know how lucky that woman really is. I feel that as I was dressed up in the opposing teams colors that I should support the team by standing up and cheering for them when they scored. The Wild came out and scored early in the first but that was the last time that would happen. The next five goals of the game was with me and 50 other people in the whole arena cheering for the Flames. By the third goal the fans had enough of me and were already yelling "sit down". Why is there such hatred in a spectator sport? It wasn't more than 10 minutes earlier these same fans were booing their own team on because of a poor powerplay. Make up your minds people.

Bowling Friday

2006-01-13T13:01:00.000-06:00

In my last few posts into the blog I have noticed that I have really pulled the theme away from myself and more toward culture and what I feel are some issues with culture but todays post is bringing it back to me (damn, that really makes me look selfish). This weekend was a busy one with us driving home on Friday just to find me driving back up on Saturday for a Wild game (next entry), driving back down after the game, and driving back to the apartment on Sunday evening. I have had enough car time for a little while. When we arrived home on Friday night we find out that the rents need to make up the a game in their bowling league so being the good kids that we are decided to join them at the local bowling ally. Now this past week at work had been a version of hell on earth so when I found out that I didn't have to drive I took my chance to enjoy myself a few beers (more on that in a second). Instead of just sitting there and watching them throw the balls down the lanes we decided to bowl a few games as well. Beers were coming and we were throwing and after 2 games we were split with one game a piece. Now anyone who has any sort of competitive spirit what-so-ever knows that you can't just finish with a split so a third game is a must. At this point it has been 7+ hours since I have ate anything and the beer was going down the pipe very smooth like (I must have finally figured out that proper head throat angle thing that helps it travel down at an accelerated rate) because by the first frame in the third game I couldn't see crap. The pins were moving and I was holding a 16 lb. ball trying to hit the moving targets. SIDE NOTE: When I'm sober I manage a pretty impressive 96 pin average so I knew that this game was going to be a wash. Continuing with the story, about this time a young couple (I'm guessing freshman year of college) was placed on the lane right next to us and still to this day I don't know what I said or what I did, but I have some sort of guilty feeling that I was hitting on the girl. But wait most of you out there are thinking, Ben hitting a girl, thats not like him at all (he couldn't even ask hockey girl for her number). Granted this is all true, I was hitting on this girl. I don't think anything came of it because I don't have a shiner from her boyfriend but still I'm sorry girl at bowling ally. By the third frame of the third game things are getting out of hand, everything is funny and somehow I managed to fall flat on my butt while trying to throw the ball down the lane (which looked more like someone sliding a curling stone down the ice than someone attempting to bowl). All in all, I did not come away with the championship but I'm willing to take any of you suckers out there on! Final game 78 to 122......::sigh:: Wow, this could be a really boring read for some of you....suckers!

The Big Dig

2006-01-13T11:03:00.000-06:00

My residence is in a new develpment and with that comes some interesting experiences. An example is that the lot next door is one of the few lots left in the development that still has not had a house put on it. I had been hoping that this lot would forever stay empty for a few selfish reasons. 1. It gives a more open feeling to my yard. 2. I am lucky enough to not hate my current neighbors. A new addition to the cul-de-sac may change that luck. 3. I am not excited about having construction right next door. So yesterday it had begun, the hole was dug and today they are laying in the footings. More to come as the project progresses...... -w

Beer Label help

2006-01-12T21:59:00.000-06:00

Okay folks, I'm in need of some help again. I'm working on a beer label for Ryan's home brew and need some ideas on what to put on it. If anyone says mountains their IP will be blocked, okay only kidding but mountains just don't work. So throw them out. I have a few ideas done and will post them on Sunday when I get back from down south (unless I get time this weekend at home). Thanks for the help. -B. EDIT: Gray one is the Battleship. Will post more from the rents.

Punk Update

2006-01-12T19:54:00.000-06:00

Tonight after work Wade and I went to the MOA (aka The Worst Mall in America) to do a little shopping. After walking around level one and two we get to level three and walk around the corner only to see the same green/blue haired punk that I saw on the train just on Tuesday. Now it doesn't take a genius to figure it out, the kid must live every single night at the MOA. He and his punk gang must spend countless hours talking about mundane things and trying to avoid the rent a cops that patrol the stankfest that we call the holy grail of malls. I guess getting emancipated from your parents is really paying off. On a side note, those who may have moved out of the state of Minnesota in the last couple of years (::wink::) will not know that the Mall of America and Knotts Berry Farms are on now separated. Now they have put a European touch on it by calling it "The Park of the Mall of America". As we passed one of the openings to look into the park I noticed only 2 people on one of the rides. With declining sales they might as well close the beast down and create a real "park". Anyone else thinking "The Disc Golf course of America"?

Metro Transit part 2

2006-01-10T17:58:00.000-06:00

Today on my trip home from work I encountered another fun and exciting element of mass transit; punks. Now these are not the punks from the eighties dressed up in leather jackets, black jeans, and a red bandana hanging out of the rear pocket, but rather these are the modern day version of the typical male punk figure. The modern day punk can be put into two categories, skinny white kid with bad acne or big fat kid that tries to hide fact that he is overweight with baggy pants, band t-shirts, a lip ring, and long unconditioned hair. NOTE: I feel the average goth person could be put into these same two categories too. So in the spirit of this post I will explain what these "kids" looked like and were talking about. Now remember i have my iPod going with sound canceling headphones in and i could still make out their conversation, so in other words they were loud. Figure a: Skinny white boy with some god awful green/blue hair mixture. He has a ton of acne, and is wearing something to the equivalent to all the nuts and bolts from Hardware Hank on his pants. For those who aren't following, he is an example of type "A". Figure b: Big kid that is wearing some big old tan pants that make him look like he could be pushing 350 when in reality he probably wasn't even 280, paired up with some kind of band t-shirt, an ugly as lip ring, glasses (very typical), and a set of headphones (though this should be added to all the boys since they are "punk" and all). After looking at him a bit it occurred to me that he looked a lot like the fat version of Al Roker. Figure c: Big kid that I didn't get a real good look at as he didn't sit with the other two until right before I got off the train. He had some big "pipe style" pants on and had some sort of fro with a lip ring. He was busy headbanging (yes the train was packed and yet he felt the need to do it every so often). I'm guessing the boys just got out of alternative school for the day and were on their big trip to the MOA for a fun filled night of having people stare at them as they walked by (punks die for attention). So this is how the conversation went up until the point where I had enough and blasted the sweet sounds of Something Corporate in my ears. A: I'm going to emancipate my relationship to him (I'm guessing he is speaking of his father) B: You can't do that without the courts (or something to this nature) A: (sounding like he thinks he is a lawyer) Well yeah all I have to do is.....and then just prove to them that I'm mature enough to live on my own. B: Yeah totally. This whole time they are doing some kind of faces to each other that they think that no one can see but any idiot knows about glass reflection and how others can see you. A few headbang later we reached our station and left the train. Until tomorrow... -B. Oh yeah, it was Macworld today and MacBookPro and new iMacs both featuring the Intel dual core chips were announced. Pretty cool!

Remember When.....

2006-01-09T21:15:00.000-06:00

Do you remember when TVs had built-in VCRs? I got this one a couple years prior to DVD players becoming mainstream. It seemed like a great idea at the time, I had limited space and needed both a TV and a VCR, why not get them both in one unit for all of those VHS tapes I was going to watch from Blockbuster (yeah, remember when Blockbuster had tapes?!). I estimate that I might have used this VCR maybe 5 times, who wants to watch a movie on a 13" TV? Besides, I now have something that puts to use one of my other great Christmas presents from the in-laws of all time, a gift I received in 2003, blank VHS tapes! A total of 30 hours of EP in Premium Grade, whatever that means anymore. VHS, you had a good run. -w

Better Than a Christmas Sweater

2006-01-08T15:19:00.000-06:00

A Christmas gift I received from my aunt-in-law. I am sure the intentions were good and the amusement factor alone is worth it to me. Although, this present was not meant to be funny I don't believe. Anyways, what I am wondering after putting this in the closet was what goes through your head when you buy a shirt like this for someone else? Where do you find this, or more importantly, why are you looking for this? I have determined that there are only 2 scenarios where I can wear this shirt, the first is to parties with my other engineering friends for a good laugh, the other is for Halloween. -w

Found Pr0n

2006-01-08T13:32:00.000-06:00

Someone dropped these thundersticks off at my cube a week ago and one day when I was so frustrated with my work I took a closer look at them. Ummm.............

24 hours in the life of Beener

2006-01-08T12:49:00.000-06:00

Since my coauthor makes it feel like he is never going to throw another entry up here (I constantly hear, "I'm working on something big"), I feel it is my duty to keep things rolling with a timeline of my last 24 hours. 10:30 am - Raise in shine. I feel I need to lay around in bed for a good twenty minutes to three hours before I fully feel that I have enough energy to make it through the weekend day 12:43 pm - Receive a call from Eileen about going shopping. I need to slim down my dressing style and I figure a hip lady like Eileen would be the perfect person to help me do this. 2:00 pm - Arrive at Marshall Fields to meet a friend of Eileen's that picks out some amazing clothes and I got all that shit taken care of. This had to be the greatest clothes shopping trip of my life! Dead serious. 3:00 pm - Enjoy a carmel latte from the 'Bucks. I needed to gain the energy I lost from only laying in bed for only 2 hours and 13 minutes 5:00 pm - Drop of Eileen and go home to play video games. I lose myself in my world of Gun a while and.... 8:36 pm - Get a text from Wade (no, he didn't just come up with a great blog idea) saying "hockey girl" was joining the gang at the bar after the game. I poop my pants and state I will be there. 9:17 pm - Sitting in my car outside of Village Wok (yummy) waiting for contact information about when to meet the gang 9:30 pm - Enjoy first beer and.......... 12:30 am - Drive home Now between the 9:30 and 12:30 there was a ton going on. I had a wing-man that had a broken communication system (ABORT, ABORT) and was running the mission, I had people switching seats with me moving me closer to my target, and I got some nice person bring me a free drink because I "was doing well and they were proud of me" (whatever that means, oh and thanks). Now there are images of what happened between the two time periods but I just don't have them. I'm waiting on contact information from "hockey girl" to see if I can get a copy of the images. Reference Linkage for those who qualify

Need a title

2006-01-06T18:59:00.000-06:00

There are so many love hate relationships that I have right now and the biggest one has to be reading. Today I just finished one of my many books that I received for Christmas and I'm very disappointed that it is over with. I'm not so much disappointed in the ending but the fact that I just spent 250 pages with these people, grew to love them and then they just go away. Sure I have 10 other books that can be picked up and read right at this moment but I want the one I just finished to come back. Oh well.

Wedding Crashers

2006-01-05T20:21:00.000-06:00

I just (EDIT:) finished watching Wedding Crashers and the part that sticks out to me is the soundtrack. 1) First song during end credits - THE WEAKERTHANS ::bowdown:: (this has to be one of my top three bands right now) 2) Death Cab for Cutie 3) Guster Movie is okay, ending is lame. -B.

Mass Transit - Part one

2006-01-05T20:11:00.000-06:00

Now that the new year has arrived on us, corporate america is giving us discounted tickets for metro transit. Me, growing tired of driving back and forth to work (or should I say waiting in traffic on my way to work and back) began taking full advantage of this offer and have been taking the light rail as my form of transportation. Now that I have been riding mass transit for almost a week I feel that I can belittle and berate it. This is part one of at least three. On the train this afternoon was a couple who thought that making out in a public space is something to be proud of. They were sitting in the middle section of the car (the axis of the train car if you will) and found it necessary to be all over each other for the whole trip out of downtown. I knew right from the beginning that these two were going to make me puke a little in my mouth and I had a pretty good hunch on their destination (which I correctly guessed as the Mall of America). I don't know how many of you remember that cartoon with the gnomes that rubbed noses to show affection but this is what they did. Every two seconds they would get all gooey eyed at each other rub noses and kiss almost like thought it was Venice enjoying the sounds, smells, and sights of the Italian city from a romantic gondola. In reality: a) that is no gondolier singing you sweet love songs but rather the gangster's iPod turned up so load you can hear every bass hit and treble tink b) the smell isn't of fresh water or flowers but rather of poop from the old guy who can't hold his bowels anymore c) that view isn't of the city but rather the man who can't keep his finger out of his nose -B.

Marketing Genius

2006-01-03T21:21:00.000-06:00

It seems that in my attempt not to waste any of my three day weekend I feel the need to stay up late and sleep in late as well. I think it was finally 3:00pm (that would be 15:00 military time) before I finally popped out of bed on Sunday (not that I slept that late but more I was laying around). Now after laying around acting completely like a beached whale one would think that the self esteem and ambitions would just double the next day and I would accomplish something spectacular. Monday came and went in the same fashion. One thing that I did find very interesting in my late night insomnia cycle is a new informercial for a brand new product that is bound to change the way culture deals with its issues. Ladies and Gentlemen.....Urine Gone! Now wait, before you start laughing about the ridiculousness of this product you need to think like the marketing team behind the promotion of this product. 1) Man I wish my house didn't smell like pee! 2) Those darn "cats" 3) I hope my weak bladder doesn't make me leak on the carpet again so I have to pull the included "stain detector" blacklight out and sweep the floors for possible areas to shoot. So secondly I thought of the channel in which I found this ad, MSNBC. Sure this channel has to have a ton of cat lovers but I'm really thinking they are looking at the retired community and their never ending quest to consume as much of the same news as possible. I'm just waiting for this to hit the mass market where you will see a bottle on every bus, subway, and lightrail. God do I love mass transit. -B.

Now I should probably introduce the newest part of the blog

2006-01-02T22:00:00.000-06:00

As you read or are just about to read, I picked up a co-author this last weekend. As you can see from the "I'm calling you out" entry I wanted to know what life in suburbia was really like. Well instead of starting his own blog, Wade has joined the team and will be posting some great entries about Life in the Sac. I'm very happy to have him join and look forward to reading this stuff. Seriously, you can't make this up! Goodnight all, -B

Going in unannounced

2006-01-02T21:39:00.000-06:00

Life in the sac... A snapshot of daily burbia life. A short listing of things I did today, 1. went to work out at the local gym 2. tore down all of our x-mas decor, this was a must since we had to get it down before anyone else in the cul-de-sac did. Pretty sure we won since I still am seeing outdoor lights up at all of our neighbors. ---Sidenote: have you ever tried to fit your fake x-mas tree back into the original box? Pretty sure the tree is like a sponge after you add water to it and it expands. Anyways, the tree is now fully set up in our basement with the small empty box next to it. I have no hope for the tree ever getting back into the box and now have an empty, useless box so big that my garbage man prly won't pick it up. 3. completed all the reamining x-mas returns and exchanges, we now have hundreds of dollars in gift cards and store credit to various stores. 4. went to one of those "make-all-your-meals-here-we-have-the-recipe-and-all-the-ingredients" places. We now have enough meals to last us until sometime in February. I don't really know how it all fits in our freezer. Maybe some kind of reverse x-mas tree out-of-the box thing happened...... -w

Merry Christmas Minnesota

2006-01-02T19:40:00.000-06:00

Dear Mr. Wilf, I would just like to thank you for taking the honors of firing Coach Tice today. This even should have happened many moons ago but hopefully you know best by keeping him here for the rest of the season. Can you believe it that people were calling him the coach of the year? We played one team with a winning record in our six game win streak (but I'm sure you knew that already). Thank you for not allowing Mike to enjoy the final win of his career in Minnesota. This is totally how we like to see things get taken care of. Why beat around the the bush when the truth is you want him gone? Is Daunte on the list of people to go yet? We clearly have proven to you that we don't need that sack rider on the team anymore either. Let him and his love boat crew join some other team. Heck maybe you and the rest of the owners can all get together and form one team of misfits consisting of TO, Daunte, Moss, and others. I bet the apparel sales would be huge as you know most Americans root for the bad guys. Well thank you again and take care Zygi, One concerned Minnesotan

Hand Sanitizer is my weakness

2006-01-02T19:32:00.000-06:00

Friday night I had the opportunity to attend the Golden Gophers hockey game vs. U Mass Lowell (I know, I know we sure do draw big names for the Dodge Classic). Well right from the beginning there were a couple of ladies ahead of me and I started chatting with them, yada yada, being the regular little Hugh Hefner that I am. I swear I had it all wrapped up until I asked the one that I had been flirting with very heavily for some hand sanitiizer. Long story short, she is a microbiologist and doesn't believe in the goodness that this stuff will bring you. So you could say I cock blocked myself on that one. I hope my boys from the game will make a comment at the next game and maybe I can still get the hookup. After the game with hit a bar and I worked my magic on a couple more ladies (one with an weird looking forehead, eek). But remember kids, never bring a girl home from the bar. Bar flies have STDs! That is all. Second thing to know is never use a digital zoom on a 640 x 320 digital camera. The images are unviewable. Images from the bar are posted...enjoy.

I'm calling you out

2006-01-01T18:37:00.000-06:00

Here is my new idea. Last night at the hockey game (don't worry it will have its own entry) and at the bar I discussed with one of the readers of this blog to come up with his own blog so we all can enjoy his gentle sarcasm. Hell look I even made a logo for you! I don't even have a logo! Come on, we all want to know how suburbia really work! -Beener

Just cleaning off the desktop

2006-01-01T16:15:00.000-06:00

I had this picture all picked out for my Fleet Farm entry but I must have wrote it on the iMac and totally forgot to go get it from the Powerbook. What would make your day more than walking into the house after gutting your deer to find you wife in something as sexy as these? Hoooooooooooowwwwwwl! Plus it isn't that bad of a price!

RSS feed

2005-12-31T17:44:00.000-06:00

For those who asked for it, here it is. The RSS feed of the blog so you don't have to work anymore and you can just read the entries over and over and over again. I feel like I'm kind of sticking it to the man. feed://snotfist.blogspot.com/atom.xml Really Simple Syndication (RSS)

Right of Passage

2005-12-28T19:24:00.000-06:00

Last week I did what most Americans do every one to two years in buying a new cell phone. It is very nice and has the bells and whistles I have been looking for in a phone for a long time. It even has the same beautiful Aluminum body that matches its Bluetooth buddy, the Powerbook. Just think the next time you call me, you will be ringing in with the Postal Service!

Avion Flu-x

2005-12-27T18:42:00.000-06:00

It has seemed like it has been forever since my last entry but really it was just the other day. I suppose I should fill you in on all the goodness that the holidays brought my way. Starting Wednesday of last week I started to feel all achy, much like you would if you got ran over by a one ton truck and lived through it. I felt worse on Thursday but I could see the light at the end of the tunnel when Friday arrived. That light was nothing more that the devil waiting for my soul. We make the trip home on Friday and I crash like I had been for the two day before. Now I'm totally just a guest in my parents house now that I have moved out, so I don't even have a bed to sleep in. They have an inflatable mattress that makes it feel like you are laying in a bed of snow and you wake up every 5 to 10 minutes do to your body shivering. After praying for death in my dreams I woke up Saturday all ready to be done with crap only to find it had done nothing but gotten worse. The rents drag me to church with them that night and in the pew my fever came to the boiling point with me leaving church in a shirt I could ring out. What's more Christian than getting your fellow humans just as sick as you? Sunday the rest of the family went to the grandparents and I finally had my fever break at 3:30 in the after noon. All I have left is a nasty cough and tons of phlegm. YIPPY!

The Man's Mall

2005-12-26T19:08:00.000-06:00

Here is a backlogged entry that just didn't make it in time, this is from Dec. 20th (this is also not my photograph): So Friday night we finished our Christmas shopping with a trip to the man's mall (Mills Fleet Farm). For those who really don't know what to expect when walking into this store just think the smell of new car tires, mixed with animal medicine, and a touch of grass fertilizer. For those who like to people watch this is the ultimate location for you. The mix of mullets on men, woman, and children will send a chill right down your spine. Each person sports their favorite snowmobile manufacture with their matching hat and jacket combo. While each do ride snowmobile, they don't cross brand lines and communicate with someone opting for a different brand sled. This reminds me of West Side Story though with the Sharks and the Jets yet most of these people wouldn't know the musical if you asked them about it. It also brings back nostalgic memories from my time spent in the hills of Penland, North Carolina and the local Wal-Mart there. The only difference was the snowmobiles were replaced with their favorite Nascar driver. Upon our departure from the store we went up and purchased a gift card and some windshield washer fluid and the first thing the girl asked us was "Is this for farm use?" Umm... -B.

Santa Claus

2005-12-25T19:11:00.000-06:00

The local shopping mall imports their Santa for the holiday season. He looks pretty convincing with the full long white hair, long white beard and the large waste line to boot. Now I have heard that he comes all the way from Wisconsin and has he name legally changed to Santa Claus because he feels he really is the man that millions of children look up to. I have also heard he makes a pretty grand entrance when he comes in for the first time (something about large bells that he starts off soft and slowly gets louder to the brink where he yells out "ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas". This is all good and well for the holiday season but what does this man do when it comes time to pack away the red pants and drone some summer gear? This is what I started to think about and the only thing that I feel he could do is jump on his Harley, braid his hair and beard and head out to Stergis for a good time. I could see him signing his name across the chest of the biker ladies and taken body shots from the beer bellies of his favorite leather covered woman. Ho, ho, HO!

SE

2005-12-20T20:40:00.000-06:00

For the past few days I have been stressing about some future topics of the blog. I have a few running through the text files that I have converted over to after reading the latest post in 43F (link is posted to the left). This method is pretty effective if you are using Quicksilver to append things to text files. It is fully described in his post so I will leave that subject and continue on with mine. After a trip home to the southeastern part of the state I found a Mecca of possible subjects. So the next few days worth of posts will be dedicated to them, and hopefully something exciting will happen to me in the time being. Thank you Tom for giving me this picture a few months ago.